I'm gonna move to the southwest, and, I don't know...

After several hours undersea, fighting her way through a cadre of aquatic sealife with a mercilessness that was going to make it difficult to look Sidon in the eye for a while (good thing that was already a challenge with how tall he was, huh?), Summer finally did it. She managed to make her way into Mr. Nimbus' Ocean Palace, located the forbidden shell that gave him his powers, and absconded with it to return home before she had to add too many more stupid sexy shark soldiers to that body count.

"Grampa!" Summer burst through the door of the garage, holding her hard-earned prize and the clear sigil of Rick's well-placed trust aloft in her hand as she did so. "I got the shell!"

"Shit."

That curse out of Rick and the very dramatic shift in the air between him and Mr. Nimbus in that moment of dramatic reveal made Summer feel like she had really missed something, a certain tender expression on the King of the Ocean's face shifting into one of deepest betrayal and offense.

"Okay, Nimbus," Rick implored quickly, "look..."

"You son of a bitch!" Mr. Nimbus pulled back one of his arms, balling up a fist and sending it crashing into Rick's face, then seized him by the shoulders to pull him down into his knee headed for his stomach. "Betrayer!"

Summer stared, wide-eyed, as Mr. Nimbus continued to whale on her grandfather. "My-my weapons!" Rick gasped between relentless blows and manhandling at Mr. Nimbus' hands. "Morty! Get my weapons!"

"I...I used them all!" Morty protested helplessly.

"Wait!" Summer waved the forbidden shell frantically. "Grampa! What do I do? I have the shell! Should I..." What did someone even do with a magical forbidden shell. "Should I blow it?"

Mr. Nimbus now had Rick on the ground, still showering him with punches, and Summer, overwhelmed with indecision, just shook her head. "is that....I'm....I'm just gonna blow it!"

"Don't blow it! Destroy the--" But it was too late. Summer had placed the colorful conch to her lips as she inhaled and then blew out as fierce as she could, sending a thin trumpeting sound into theh air. "--horn."

"What the hell, Summer!" Morty demanded as Mr. Nimbus, eyes gone wide at the siren call of the forbidden shell, pulled off of Rick as a magical aura surrounded him, pink and shimmering and making his muscles pop and bulking him up significantly.

"You were supposed to destroy the horn!" Rick lamented, trying to crawl away from underneath Mr. Nimbus, who swiftly slammed a fist into his head before getting up to drag the old man away by his hair.

"How was I supposed to know that?" Summer argued, and they went to follow Mr. Nimbus as he tossed Rick out onto the driveway outside of the garage, just as a cop car with blazing sirens rolled up to a stop in front of them.

"Police!" Mr. Nimbus declared, arms lifted behind his head with a might thrust of his pelvis. "Take this piece of shit to jail!"

"I told you!" Rick groaned, as the police officers flanked him and dragged him back up to his feet. "He's an ice cold dick killer!" And then, just before the cop car squealed off into the distance, he gave one last longing looking through the window. "Nimbus!"

As Beth and Jerry emerged from the house to see what was going on, and Mr. Nimbus continued to go through the motions of a variety of sexy poses, Summer looked from the shell in her hands, to where the car had disappeared, and then to Mr. Nimbus with a confused, mildly disturbed look on her face. "Wait," she said, "so how can he--?"

"Jesus, Summer!" said Jerry, throwing up his hands at such an obvious question. "He's Mr. Nimbus! He controls the police!"

Summer stared at her father for a moment, walked over to shove the conch shell into her mother's arms, and firmly declared, "I have been away way too long for this shit. I'm going back to Fandom, where things are normal."

With that, she picked just a little bit of clinging sea creature gore from her shoulder and flapper-stepped her way back through the garage door to get her portal gun and the keys to her ship.

And she was definitely keeping the harpoon gun.

[[ my canon, ladies and gentlemen! Thus wraps up Summer's part in Rick and Morty S05E01 "Mort Dinner Rick Andre," a completely pointless vignette that I still felt compelled to write out and make FH canon. DID I need to do this? No. Do I have mild regrets? Maybe. NDB for distance, OOC welcome? Look, Season 5 is a mess, I've got to take what I can get. ]]

"And, so, like," Summer was saying, as the narrative caught up to the small vessel that Morty had stolen approaching the NX-5, "it turned out that, this whole time, Tammy was just a plant for Galactic Federation, and she used her wedding to Bird Person as a super honey trap to massacre a bunch of galactic criminals and put Grampa Rick in space jail. That's when the Federation took over Earth and I started to get rebellious about the whole thing, and my parents sent me to Fandom before I started a massive insurrection! So I guess, in a way," here she turned a bright, beaming, absolutely disgustingly sacchine smile toward Barry, "if Tammy wasn't actually a stupid duplicitious bitch," she reached a hand over said stupid duplicitious bitch's corpse for his hand, "we may have never met."

“Well, I wish I could have thanked her before your grandfather splattered her brains all over the ground,” Barry said cheerfully.

( No one cares if you pee on the floor of a Death Star. )
________________________________________________

It didn't take long before the trio turned a corner right into an armed Gromfromlite, but it didn't take long, either, for Morty to pull the pin on the device Rick had given him and lobbed it forward toward the soldier, exploding him into guts and goo all over the floor and walls.

"Morty," said Summer, "we had one grenade!"

( An Intermission for Exposition )


______________________________________________________

"What do you think they do with all those jeans?" the first Gromfromlite mused. "Make them into jackets?"

"It's not about conserving denim," the second informed him. "It's marketing. Like...uh....'The NX-5...destroys the whole planet! Except for Wrangler jeans."

"Because they're so tough?" the first guessed. "Tougher than the laser? That's stupid."

"But you're talking about it."

Crestfallen, the first Gromfromlite seemed to have his whole world opened up for him, but he wasn't sure he liked what he saw. "They..." he slowly realized. "They got me..."

( There's a bit of the West in all of us. Or at least on the butts of two complete and total nerds. )

_________________________________________________

"Mom! Dad!" Using the locator watch to track down exactly where they could find Beth, Summer, Morty, and Barry rushed into the room, and a grisly scene that had occurred in the A plot that doesn't concern enough people reading this to bother going into full detail about. What was clear was that quite the battle had taken place: Jerry stood awkwardly over the corpse of Tammy, and both Beths were there, one of them absolutely covered in blood, both of them standing over the fallen hulk of what could only be described (incorrectly) as some sort of cybernetic Bird Person. The wall behind them was blasted open, revealing an even more grisly scene of a bullet-ridden, scorched Rick, in a pool of his own intestines and various mechanical parts and almost placidly trying to put them all back in place.

( A Reunion with Cloned Moms and Morty's Little Balls. )

[[ continued from here and the bulk of the action from S04 E10 of Rick and Morty, "Starmort Rickturn of the Jerri," modified slightly and with appreciation to badassprodigy for allowing me to steal his pants. Usual alphabet soup applies. Surprisingly actually not officially sponsored by Wrangler jeans. ]]

Dinner that evening had gone...surprisingly well. There were no explosions, no alien attacks or bizarre side-character that would never make another appearance again causing mischief, the glares had been kept to a shocking minimum and no one even fell asleep while trying to pretend to actually be interested in beekeeping, horse surgery, or documentaries about migrant workers.

Which of course meant that everyone's eyes shifted immediately over to Beth when her phone started to ring, with the bated-breath anticipation that came along with something having gone just a bit too smoothly. "Hello?" Beth answered the phone, the hyper-focus of everyone in present in the room was palpable, as was the rush of disappointment and frustration that followed when she pushed back her chair, stood up from the table, and walked into another room to take the call out of earshot.

( CW Warning for Invisibility Belts, Vegetarian Lasagna, and....oh god...PUPPETS. )

[[ NFB for distance, NFI for TBC, OOC ok! Part one of....several! Taken and modified from Rick and Morty S04;E10 "Starmort Rickturn of the Jerri" with a little badassprodigy slipped right in there. SURELY, there's no way this could possibly go pear-shaped, riiiight? ]]

"I don't think he's coming back," Morty decided, looking worriedly toward the sky where the sun was clearly setting on Gaia as he unzipped the tent flaps to step out. Summer had, eventually, joined him in the tent, but it didn't really make much of a difference. They both just sort of sat there in awkward, unacknowledging silence while the time seemed to just drag on. And he tried to tamper down his anger at her, but it just didn't work, and now that he was out of the toxic air between them in the tent, he was embolded enough to let her know as much. "You know, you...you really messed him up, Summer!"

"Yeah, well!" Summer's own anger hadn't settled much, either, especially since she was apparently supposed to feel bad for just being honest and having a good life now. "He called me a lemur."

Which, you know, was just the tip of this iceberg, but, seriously, a lemur?

She crawled out of the tent after Morty, dragging her backpack with her. "Let's just go find Grampa. Maybe he can just portal us home or something."

"Why don't you just portal yourself home?" Morty shot back acidly.

"I can't," Summer reminded him, returning the acid right back. "Our despotic Napoleon of a father with the multiverse's biggest inferiority complex confiscated my portal gun, because I wouldn't be needing it and we were supposed to have a sci-fi bullshit free weekend, remember? But, yeah, go ahead and tell me how I'm the one being too harsh on him despite going along with this stupid ass camping trip in the first place!"

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, Summer figured it was now her turn to start stalking away.

"...should we leave a note?" asked Morty, glued to the spot for the time being, unwilling to just abandon the camp just yet.

"Dad is fine!" Summer insisted crossly. "He's probably sucking off a tree somewhere and having the time of his life right now. Let's go."

And so Summer kept walking, not caring at this point whether Morty decided to come with her or not. And Morty almost let her. If that was what she wanted, she could handle whatever she came across by herself, for all he cared. He should probably wait for when Jerry came back, but...what if...what if Summer really had gone too far? What if he didn't come back? And what if something did happen to Summer? He couldn't just leave her, either.

"Summer!" he called out after her, finally able to move, grabbing his backpack as well. "Hey, w-wait up!"

[[ and surely things can only get better from here, right? Either way, you'll have to wait and see! I'm finally done spamming you all with Summer for today, but stay tunes! Or just keep scrolling, that's fine, too, I'm not your boss. More from S04;E09 of Rick & Morty, "Childrick of Mort", with a little extra spice ]]

It seemed a little weird, that they had to set out to find a planet that they were on, but Summer and her family trekked through the wilderness of Gaia so that they could meet this planet baby mama and Rick could get things straightened out and, if Summer had anything to do with it, they could just forget about camping and go back ot their lives. If they timed it right, she might even be able to hit up Mike Triscuit's party before heading over to Nina's.

She very much doubted that any of this would be timed right.

( The Best Parent is Evolution! CW for Human-Spewing Earth Vagina Geyser. Yes. My CW warning could use a CW. )

The wail that escaped Summer and Morty was desperate and perfectly in sync. "Mo~om!!"

"Summer, Morty." Beth turned to give them a look that was going to accept absolutely no protests. "Go camp with your father."

"Oh, son of a bitch!"

"Son of a bitch!"

Summer and Morty could only roll their eyes and sag their shoulders in resignation to the fact that not even people-spewing planet vaginas could be enough for them to escape their fates, while Jerry, grinning triumphantly that a victory had finally come his way, gestured to guide them off into the wilderness, where their camping adventure and some long overdue family bonding time awaited!

[[ Ladies and gentlemen *gestures* my canon. Transcribed from S04E09 of Rick & Morty, "Childrick of Mort." TBC, NFB, NFI, OOC welcome, ABCD, EFG, ETC ETC ETC ]]

The wait between when Summer had left and when she had summoned them to the main chamber of her new domain wasn't that long at all, thankfull. Plasma-rifle armed guards ushered them into the pit of the large amphitheater, hands bound, while a grim and solemn Summer stood over them from above, flanked by the the other advisors. With clear disdain for the traitors that had attempted to destroy so much of what they'd built since...you know, yesterday, the guards threw the prisoners to the ground and all attention shifted to their Empress and her decision with bated breath.

( Because there's always that one asshole who ruins everything. More exploding aliens and a dramatic conclusion ahoy! )

( And an epilogue, where I don't so much as embrace my canon's tendency toward scatological humor but I will at least acknowledge it. )

[[ and ~fin~! Continued from here and here, with so, so, soooooo many apologies for that last part. This wraps up Rick & Morty S04:E07, "Promortyus", with special guest star, the ever amazing badassprodigy, because like I can say no to any plot arc that has Summer taking over and elevating a society in an absurdly small amout of time. thanks for reading! And I still promise I will not be doing the dragon orgy episode, at least? ]]

Sure, Summer would be tending to the all-important task of getting Seivarden back to her home universe later that evening, but there was at least one thing she needed to get done before then. Luckily, it wouldn't take very long at all.

And that would be taking a moment to crash Sunday morning breakfast at the Smith household to maybe rub a certain shiny new portal gun right in someone's face.

(What? You didn't expect her to just leave well enough alone, did you?)

( Cut for length and me just being a self-serving neeeerd )

"I...I *braap* told you you should've never sent her to that school..." he murmured, before stalking out of the room, toward the garage, where he needed to make sure that his portal gun was, in fact, still in tact and not turned into that horrible monstrosity in Summer's hands and to reconsider more than a few of his safety precautions...and maybe update some of them to ignore the whole 'Do Not Kill' protocol on certain redheaded granddaughters...

[[ Establishly and NFB, obvs ]]