Gaia; Galaxy Unknown; Dimension FH-001. Friday Morning [05/28 FT].

[somethingwithturquoise]

It seemed a little weird, that they had to set out to find a planet that they were on, but Summer and her family trekked through the wilderness of Gaia so that they could meet this planet baby mama and Rick could get things straightened out and, if Summer had anything to do with it, they could just forget about camping and go back ot their lives. If they timed it right, she might even be able to hit up Mike Triscuit's party before heading over to Nina's.

She very much doubted that any of this would be timed right.



>

Morty	"So, what?" Morty asked, as they ventured across the verdant green grass between cloisters of red trees. "You just go around knocking up planets now? I-i-is that what you do while I'm at school?"
Rick	"I'm a scientist, Morty," said Rick. "I try things. Sex with a living planet?" He pumped his fist. "Big step for mankind!"
Summer	"Yeah," said Summer, who hadn't even lifted her eyes from her phone the whole time they were walking and who felt she had it on good authority that knocking up planets was not actual very high on most scientists' agendas, "we finally broke the deadbeat dad barrier."
Rick	Slowly, they started to ascend up a rocky incline, opening up into a vast crater once they reached the top. "Ah," said Rick, as the tracker in his hand started to beep more furiously to let them know that they'd apparently located the most Gaia-Gaia spot on all of Gaia, and his grin grew almost a little nostalgic. "Where the magic happened."
Beth	"Gross," Beth noted, speaking for all of them in that moment.
Rick	Standing on the rim of the crater that sunk down deep into a vast opening, Rick called out into it. "Hey! Uh, Gaia, baby! Big Daddy Rick is here. What's the problem?"
Gaia	"Children," the voice emerged from Rick's translator, as the ground beneath their feet began to rumble. "Birth cycle. Now."
Rick	"Ohhhhkay," Rick said. "Gettin' right into it."
Gaia	The hole at the center of the crater began to pulse out, faster and faster until, finally, it burst out a stream of golden hot magma, and, with it, a full on geyser of hundreds...perhaps even millions...of clay bodies, declaring the state of their newfound existence into the world with a chorus of triumphant, "I am! I am!"s.
Beth	"Jesus Christ!" Beth cried out, startled, over the continued flow of new life and their steady mantra. Then, she watched in horror as they all then decended from their great height, many of them smashing on the rocks and breaking into rubble from the impact. "Dad! Do something! Make it stop!"
Rick	"You think I know how to stop this?" Rick countered. "I thought she was going to shit an egg!" Which was honestly kind of silly of him, considering they'd already done the 'shit an egg' thing during the last adventure. But the geyser of new life had finally ceased, filling the crater with the bodies of Gaia's children, most of which were sucked back up inside the hole as silence settled over the scene again.
Summer	"Cool vacation, guys," Summer drawled, turning away, attempting to send something through her phone again but with still no luck. "I'm so happy I got to see the human geyser instead of micro-dosing with my friends."
Gaia	"More coming." Even in her mechanical translation voice, Gaia sounded urgent. "Kids. Need father!"
Rick	"Yeah, um, Baby Quakes," said Rick, with a bit of a knowing scoff and a lift of his finger, "how big is your orbit again? I mean, not say you get around, but, uh--"
Beth	"Are you kidding me?" interrupted Beth, gaping with disgust at her father while gesturing toward the pile of bodies still in the crater. "Look at them! They look just like you!"
Rick	"Yeah," Rick countered, "and snakes look like dildo, Beth. What's your point?"
Jerry	"...they do?" Jerry, surprising no one, was clearly out of his element here.
Rick	And no one was paying any attention to him, anyway. "The fact is," Rick continued his appeal, "even if they were mine, which they're not...the best parent is evolution. They'll probably develop harder skin, or maybe even webbed arms. Man! That'd be cool, huh?" He grinned and gave Beth's shoulder a playful, hopefully placating nudge. "Flying squirrel people?"
Beth	Hands on her hips, Beth just looked away. "Yeah," she breathed out in a huff, "Dad. That approach worked out great for me."
Rick	"Beth," Rick insisted, "I know it looks back, but trust me." He turned away, started walking down the incline to the crater. "This is life in the galaxy, okay? It's totally normal." He barely got a few steps away, though, before the rumbling began again and a second geyser burst forth from Gaia's terrestrial loins once more.
Beth	"Fine," said Beth, with determination, as she reached out to grab Jerry by his backpack to open it and start rifling through it. "You won't do something? I will." She pulled out a small disc-like object from Jerry's bag, using it to slide down into the crater a little until she could pop it open into a small trampoline.
Jerry	"Welp!" Jerry threw up his arms a little. "There goes the surprise! I was gonna have us jump on the trampoline after we caught our first fish."
Summer	"What?" The complete lack of logic in that line of thinking actually got Summer to look up from her phone. "You're stupid."
Rick	And the only ones jumping on the trampoline now were the few of the clay people that managed to land on it, although many of them were now landing without being broken, pushing themselves up to their feet and rushing around with their nonstop cries of "I am! I am!" "Beth," Rick implored, "that's not going to help."
Jerry	"Uhhhh," Jerry ventured, "I hate to agree with Rick, but shouldn't we just let this be? We're supposed to be on vacation."
Beth	"You're unemployed, Jerry!" Beth turned accussingly toward him. "Every day is a vacation for you."
Jerry	"Okay," Jerry put his hands to his chest as his ego took yet another beating. "Ouch."
Beth	"You guys," Beth huffed again, turning back to the trampoline, which she now picked up in a desperate attempt to catch the flying, falling clay people, "do whatever you want. I'm staying here and fixing this."
Rick	Drawing in a deep breath, Rick rolled his eyes, lifted his hands, and then reluctantly slid down into the crater to join her. "Goddamn it, Beth, if you're gonna do it, at least do it right. Gaia! Baby!" He knelt down to give the planet a little pat. "Gonna need a little raw iron and steam."
Gaia	"Whatever you need, baby." The ground split at Rick's feet, while he reached into his coat for a remote to summon a large droid-like piece of equipment from the back of the station wagon. It landed inside the crater, immediately releasing long metal poles that started to extend throughout the crater, the skeletal base of some kind of building infastructure.
Summer	"So much for camping," said Summer, the dryness in her voice managing to not betray her relief, because oh nooooo, how terrible.
Jerry	That relief, however, was very short lived. "Nope," said Jerry, seizing this opportunity for what it was and grinning at his daughter, before stepping over and slinging an arm over her shoulder in an act of familial comaraderie. "We are going camping. There's trees over there, we're on solid ground.

The wail that escaped Summer and Morty was desperate and perfectly in sync. "Mo~om!!"

"Summer, Morty." Beth turned to give them a look that was going to accept absolutely no protests. "Go camp with your father."

"Oh, son of a bitch!"

"Son of a bitch!"

Summer and Morty could only roll their eyes and sag their shoulders in resignation to the fact that not even people-spewing planet vaginas could be enough for them to escape their fates, while Jerry, grinning triumphantly that a victory had finally come his way, gestured to guide them off into the wilderness, where their camping adventure and some long overdue family bonding time awaited!

[[ Ladies and gentlemen *gestures* my canon. Transcribed from S04E09 of Rick & Morty, "Childrick of Mort." TBC, NFB, NFI, OOC welcome, ABCD, EFG, ETC ETC ETC ]]