The NX-5, Brought to you by WRANGLER; The Space Over Earth; Dimension FH-001; Friday Evening [0917].

[somethingwithturquoise]

"And, so, like," Summer was saying, as the narrative caught up to the small vessel that Morty had stolen approaching the NX-5, "it turned out that, this whole time, Tammy was just a plant for Galactic Federation, and she used her wedding to Bird Person as a super honey trap to massacre a bunch of galactic criminals and put Grampa Rick in space jail. That's when the Federation took over Earth and I started to get rebellious about the whole thing, and my parents sent me to Fandom before I started a massive insurrection! So I guess, in a way," here she turned a bright, beaming, absolutely disgustingly sacchine smile toward Barry, "if Tammy wasn't actually a stupid duplicitious bitch," she reached a hand over said stupid duplicitious bitch's corpse for his hand, "we may have never met."

“Well, I wish I could have thanked her before your grandfather splattered her brains all over the ground,” Barry said cheerfully.

Rick	TEXT"Gross," said Rick, adding his own important commentary to the situation, before Summer could go and make it even worse by saying whatever she was going to say next,and he reached up to flip a switch overhead. "Thank god, they're signaling us."
The New, IMPROVED Galactic Federation	"Attention, Zeta 99-2!" the main ship called out to the smaller vessel, as swarms of similar ships gathered, ready to attack. "We know you have a stolen ship. Stand. Down."
Rick	"Oh," Rick rolled his eyes a moment, pulling out his portal gun and clicking it a few times, "am I not a non-threat now? Sum-sum." Summer sat up at attention. "Get in on this."
Summer	Following Rick's lead with her own gun, they blasted several small, head-shaped portals of glowing pink and green around the cockpit space, and Rick pulled out a mess of a gun with multiple barrels. One pull of the trigger was all it took to send blaster bolts directly through the array of portals, sending the directly into the cockpits of the other ships, which exploded into green gas and shrapnel a moment later. This cleared the way for the hangar bay, where not even the Gromflomite soldiers insistence that they were not cleared to land would stop them from landing...directly on those Gromflomite soldiers with a splat.
Rick	"Summer," Rick instructed as they exited the ship, Tammy's corpse slung between the Smith siblings, approaching the entrance into the ship from the hangar bay, "try unlocking that door by scanning your high school friend's dead face--"
Jerry	"Uhhh," Jerry lifting a finger to interject awkwardly, "I have...I have to pee."
Rick	"Pee on the floor," said Rick, who was pretty sure this was the last thing he wanted to be bothered with right now. Why did they even bring him? Sure, Beth was his wife, or whatever, but this was even more dead weight than Summer's annoying boyfriend. "It's a Death Star."
Jerry	"Okay, but," Jerry countered, "there's rebellion, and then there's--"
Summer	Summer, also not having time for this and also not exactly loving her dad talking about pissing right now, here, in this planet destroying spaceship with her boyfriend right there to hear all about it, quickly took off the invisibility belt and shoved it toward Jerry. "Here, Dad," she said.
Jerry	"Perfect!" Jerry's face was the perfect picture of contentment before it disappeared completely as he strapped on the belt and went invisible.
Summer	And Summer began to smash Tammy's face into the face scanner, which just beeped at her with each failed read. "What am I doing wrong?"
Barry	"Her eyes are closed," Barry pointed out, stepping forward to help. "Here, Morty, open the left one, I'll get the right." And with Summer holding the corpse between the two of them as they exposed her pupils, the scanner read them with no problem and the door opened.
Rick	"She died the way she lived," Rick proclaimed, "overserialized." Not knowing what else to do, Summer just dropped the body while Rick continued with his plan from here on in. "I'm going to go rescue your mom's clone without revealing which is which. You three," he reached into his jacket and tossed something over to Morty, "find the NX-5 and shut it down." He pressed a button on his wristwatch to reveal the location of Beth deep inside the ship. "I mean, don't die trying." He tossed the locater wristwatch over to Summer. "There's infinite Earths. If you can save this one, it's gravy. I'm sure it'll be no problem now that we've added the Boy fucking Wonder to our team, apparently." And with that, he hurried through the door.
Barry	“Fuck you too, Rick,” Barry called after him.
Morty	"The Dream Team rides again!" declared Morty with excitement.
Summer	"Oh, yeah," Summer enthused back, "we're like Duke and Deia and Lan! Errr, except that kissing part. What's another famous brother-sister team?"
Morty	"Hansel and Gretel?" Morty tried.
Summer	"Yeah, right," Summer insisted. "Those two were fucking."
Barry	“Definitely,” Barry agreed.
Summer	But not to get too mired into the discourse of exactly what sort of dynamic they were going for, Summer turned her attention to the task at hand. "Dad," she called out into the invisible void, "we need the belt."
Jerry	"I can't go if you guys are watching!" Jerry's voice insisted.
Morty	"You're invisible!" Morty reminded him, while Summer just gave a withering, apologetic look toward Barry, because what else could you do when your father's pissing performance anxiety was delaying you from saving the world?
Jerry	"What if the pee isn't?" Jerry distressed.
Morty	"You know what?" Morty decided. "We don't need invisibility. Working together is our belt!"
Summer	"That's our arc!" Summer agreed. "Let's do it!"
Morty	"I'm gonna go ahead and whistle," Morty decided as they started down the hall. "That's how good I feel."
Barry	Barry said nothing but followed along, making a mental note to add Flomax to Jerry’s new drug regimen.

________________________________________________

It didn't take long before the trio turned a corner right into an armed Gromfromlite, but it didn't take long, either, for Morty to pull the pin on the device Rick had given him and lobbed it forward toward the soldier, exploding him into guts and goo all over the floor and walls.

"Morty," said Summer, "we had one grenade!"

Morty	"He had a gun!" Morty insisted. "Barry, you've got more...like, grenades, and stuff?"
Barry	"Or," Barry offered, now that it was seeming like he could get in a word edgewise, "we can try to do this without fucking blowing up or killing everyone we encounter..." Besides, he just saw Morty with a hand grenade. No way he’d give him any more than that.
Summer	Summer and Morty seemed to consider this for a moment before Summer shook her head. "Whatever," she said, already moving along down the hall. "Come on."
The New, IMPROVED Galactic Federation	Ahead of them was some sort of control room, the door open to reveal two Gromfromlites standing in front of a monitor, watching the current lasering of Earth and its inhabitants in progress, and Summer led everyone past the door to hide against the wall. "Did you hear something?" one of them asked, turning toward the door. "Doesn't matter," the other one informed him. "If anyone's around, they're here to stop the laser, and they can't do that without us seeing them."
Summer	"'Working together is our belt?'" murmured Summer, narrowing her eyes as the stupidity of that statement finally reached her.
Morty	"You gave it away!" Morty cut in, just as Summer was about to finally appeal to Barry to put this in his hands.
Summer	"You said we didn't need it!" Summer countered. "I wish you were never born."
Morty	"You were an accident!"
Barry	"Shhh!" Barry hushed them, straining for a moment to listen to the Gromfrolites at the controls before pulling out a device that would allow them to hear their conversation better.
The New, IMPROVED Galactic Federation	"How come some of their pants...?" the one was asking, over the sounds of people screaming as the wide green laser swept over the streets of Seattle and disintegrated them, clothes and all, except for... "The NX-5 can't destroy Wrangler jeans," the other explained. "Like...it literally can't destroy them, or it's programmed not to?" "Geeeeee," the voice was now sarcastic and annoyed, "what do you think?""
Summer	Summer looked up at Barry, her eyes wide with the spark of something. Finding it there in his eyes, too, they both looked toward Morty. Morty followed their eyes to confirm what he already knew, and all three of them shared a grin and a nod as the unspoken plan started to form between them. They knew what they had to do.

______________________________________________________

"What do you think they do with all those jeans?" the first Gromfromlite mused. "Make them into jackets?"

"It's not about conserving denim," the second informed him. "It's marketing. Like...uh....'The NX-5...destroys the whole planet! Except for Wrangler jeans."

"Because they're so tough?" the first guessed. "Tougher than the laser? That's stupid."

"But you're talking about it."

Crestfallen, the first Gromfromlite seemed to have his whole world opened up for him, but he wasn't sure he liked what he saw. "They..." he slowly realized. "They got me..."

Morty	But before he could postulate on the vast effectiveness of his own Federation's propaganda and marketing, a high-pitched voice rang out. "Hey!" called Morty, rushing past the open door, flailing both arms and bare legs. "Look at me!"
The New, IMPROVED Galactic Federation	"Did you just see a pantless teenaged boy run by?" asked the first Gromflomite, pointing toward the door. "I'm not falling for that again!""
Morty	"I used to be invisible!" cried Morty jovially, as he backtracked for a circle in front of the open door for more attention. "But now I'm the opposite!"
The New, IMPROVED Galactic Federation	There was no denying the pantsless teenaged boy now! "Get him!" cried the second Gromflomite, as they both turned away from the controls. "But not in a weird way!" he added hastily. "You made it weird!" the other pointed out, but there was no dwelling on it now, there was a pantless teenaged boy to apprehend!"
Summer	And as the soldiers left their station, Summer and Barry, each with a pair of pants in their hands (turns out, Morty wasn't the only one wearing Wranglers that day!), rushed into the control room. After a brief look around, Summer grinned as she jabbed her elbow hard into one of the glass panels that lined the room, glowing green with the lasers energy, shattering it open. "Now!" she called out, as she tossed in Morty's pants and Barry tossed in his, the laser beam of energy sizzling almost instantly with the impact.
The NX-5	The modulated voice of the ship sounded from the controls in distress. "NX-5 corporate sponsor detected! Cannot penetrate Wranglers! Built too tough! Built....toooooo...." The voice slowly started to die into a strangled, slow desperation, "touuuughhhhh...." And just like that, defeated by denim, the laser fizzled and died, a glaring red error message taking over the control panel, and Summer beamed proudly at just how well that had worked."
Barry	"We didn't need both fucking pairs of pants for that to work," Barry pointed out.
Summer	"No," Summer agreed, her grin brightening fondly as she just took in the scene. "I just wanted to get you out of your pants."
Morty	It was an expression that died very quickly, though, once Morty, splattered in dark blue Gromflomite blood, came running back. "I killed them!" he announced. "I...I did it! I did it offscreen!"
Summer	"Goddammit!" Summer winced, clamping her eyes shut and lifting her hands to shield herself but it was too late. "Morty, fix your underwear! I saw your balls for a second. Way to kill a boner!"
Morty	"That's on you," Morty insisted, narrowing his eyes at Summer's fleeing form as he made the necessary adjustments.

_________________________________________________

"Mom! Dad!" Using the locator watch to track down exactly where they could find Beth, Summer, Morty, and Barry rushed into the room, and a grisly scene that had occurred in the A plot that doesn't concern enough people reading this to bother going into full detail about. What was clear was that quite the battle had taken place: Jerry stood awkwardly over the corpse of Tammy, and both Beths were there, one of them absolutely covered in blood, both of them standing over the fallen hulk of what could only be described (incorrectly) as some sort of cybernetic Bird Person. The wall behind them was blasted open, revealing an even more grisly scene of a bullet-ridden, scorched Rick, in a pool of his own intestines and various mechanical parts and almost placidly trying to put them all back in place.

Summer	"Uhhh." So, yeah, definitely missed the part about the cloned Beth, although now some of the things Rick said earlier made a bit more sense. "Mom?" Summer tried, looking at the badass version of her mom in space leather, an undercut, and a blue streak in her hair beside the much less cool, much more blood-splattered normal version of Beth, and then decided it didn't matter, shook her head and announced, "We did it! Morty became super visible!"
Morty	"Summer put our jeans in a laser!" Morty added. "And Barry was there."
Barry	Just like he was now, too! He just gave a meek little wave because honestly he gave up trying not to kill people about 30 minutes ago and was just rolling with it.
Earth Beth	"Morty!" Blood-splattered Regular-Mom Beth clasped her hands before her and looked adoringly on her son. "Look at your little balls!"
Morty	"I know!" Morty said proudly.
Earth Beth	"Bring it in here!" Beth opened her arms and moved in to give him a hug. And then it was time to go home. And get some pants.

[[ continued from here and the bulk of the action from S04 E10 of Rick and Morty, "Starmort Rickturn of the Jerri," modified slightly and with appreciation to badassprodigy for allowing me to steal his pants. Usual alphabet soup applies. Surprisingly actually not officially sponsored by Wrangler jeans. ]]