Some Suburban Ass Street; Dimension FH-001; Early Friday Evening [09/17].

[somethingwithturquoise]

Meanwhile, after a series of events that happened off-screen while Summer and Barry were chasing her brother out of a girls' locker room, on a previously quiet suburban street not too far from the Smith household, an argument in front of Rick's crashed ship between his daughter, his daughter's clone, and himself was being abruptly interrupted.

Look. A lot had happened off screen while they were chasing an invisible Morty out of a girl's locker room. We didn't even touch on what happened at Dr. Wong's!

"Drop it!" A voice called out, interrupting Rick's appeal for a trip to get fast food (McDonald's? No, Wendy's! Wendy's. They might have given them some money!). This command was then overlaid with various other voices alternately making other demands, to get on the ground, to not move, to drop their weapons, in the form of a small horde of gun-wielding bug-like aliens flanking a badly burned young woman with a short bob of brown hair.

Tammy	A young woman who turned her ire behind her for a moment. "Everybody, shut up!" Tammy Guterman told the Gromflomites buzzing behind her. "You're all saying different shit!" They obeyed, the chaos of the moment descending into an awkward silence, and Tammy lifted her gun back toward Beth and Beth's clone, because that was a thing now. Two Beths! "Wait," she said. "So there are two of them?"
Jerry	"More importantly," said Jerry from inside the crash of Rick's ship, "which one is mine?"
Rick	"Uhhh, neither," Rick glared over at his son-in-law, "chauvinist."
Tammy	"Whatever." Clearly, Tammy was in no mood to deal with any of this, so she sighed as she pushed the comm unit in her ear. "Take them both." With that directive, a beam of golden-blue light shot from the looming giant spaceship high in the sky overhead, surrounding the two Beths with energy before they disappeared into particles to be pulled up into the massive vessel.
Rick	"Cool beam," Rick murmured, before stepping forward. "But let's bargain. I'm the one you really want."
Tammy	Tammy's eyes narrowed as if personally insulted. "Excuse me?"
Rick	"Uh," Rick reminded her, "smartest man in the universe? Secret to interdimensional travel? Ask your bosses."
Tammy	"My bosses are bugs, Rick," Tammy informed him coolly. "You killed the old ones. The new ones? Are half my age. They know if you're left alone, you're..." She lowered her gun, grinning as she reveled in this moment and the next thing coming out of her mouth, smooth as a knife to the gut, "a non-threat."
Jerry	"Oof-fa," said Jerry, glancing over to Rick and his thousand-mile glare into Tammy as she turned away, hand back to her comm.
Tammy	"We got the pay-load," Tammy reported. "Fire up the NX-5. "Earth," she added, turning back to Rick, coyness playing in her voice, "is going ta-ta. You might want to do that thing where you...find yourself a new universe where you can suck yourself off!"
Rick	"You can't tell me what to do," Rick groused.
Tammy	"Awesome!" sang Tammy brightly, as she turned to her Gromflomite soldiers. "He resisted! We can shoot him!"
Rick	And as she targeted her gun on Rick, it lept, as if by magic, as if by some invisible force, straight out of her hands, leaping through the air toward Jerry, who caught the weapon with a startled, confused look on his face. "Just go with it, Jerry!" Rick shouted, and, immediately, Jerry crouched into position as he aimed the gun forward. Rick launched himself forward, snagging Tammy up in her confusion and turning her toward her equally confused comrades. "Everybody! Drop your guns--except for--" The clatter of metal behind him told him he was already too late. "--Jerry," he finished, unsurprised but still annoyed. "Fucking classic."
The Cavalry	A whooshing sound was then the only warning the Gromflomites had before a volley of lasers shot into them from behind, as Morty, behind the controls of the ship that had very recently attempted to arrest him, settled the vehicle down on the road gently.
Rick	"Holy shit," said Rick, "Morty!"
Morty	"And Summer!" Morty called out cheerfully. "W-we worked together! That's...that's our arc! "
Summer	"We went from siblings," Summer's voice emerged from an empty space beside Rick, "to invisible to working together."
Morty	"Barry's here, too," Morty offered, with a gesture toward Barry beside him in the cockpit, obviously just accepting his fate of being swept up in the current of a plot line he was only tangentially related to, before Morty just shrugged his shoulders, lifting his hands, "but he didn't do much. It's not Citizen Kane, but why compete with whatever's going on here, you know?"
Barry	“Fuck off, Morty,” Barry said looking at his tablet. “I’m working on a new therapy regimen for your Dad that won’t involve sock puppets.”
Tammy	Using this distraction to her advantage, though, Tammy made a move, pulling back enough to headbutt Rick and loosen his grip on her, then driving an elbow into his stomach. She whipped around, quick as lightning, to send a high kick to his chest, throwing him back to the ground. A few steps forward and she lifted her leg again to send her high-heeled boots crashing down into him, but the move was halted in mid-air, as if by an invisible force, and then, promptly, Tammy's leg snapped, the sound of bone splintering preceding her pained scream as she dropped to the ground.
Rick	Summer, the aforementioned invisible force, materialized into a tangible form, glowering down at Tammy with her hands balled into fists at her side. Rick had managed to grab the gun that Jerry had previously dropped and, mouth smeared with blood, trained its charging aim on the young woman. "You made me go to a wedding," he scowled, pulling the trigger and splattering Tammy's brains against the pavement with a precise and clear shot straight to the center of her forehead. "...and you killed my best friend," Rick added, a moment later, once he lowered the gun and considered what had just transpired and how that might have sounded. "I....shoulda said that one first...."
The New, IMPROVED Galactic Federation	There wasn't a lot of time to dwell on Rick's priorities, though, as a measuredly pleasant modulated voice broadcasted over them from the large militant vessel looming overhead. "Congratulations," it said, "Earth, on being destroyed by the NX-5," the glowing ports on the strange, menacing blob of a ship started to glow, all points joining together in a focused laser blast, "brought to you by Wrangler!"
Rick	Without a moment's hesitation, the laser focused on the horizon, targeting the city beyond the rows of suburbanite houses surrounding them, and Rick let out a long-suffering groan of a sigh. "Uuuugggggghhhhhhh," he moaned. "Guess the galaxy's most-wanted mammal needs her daddy to come change her diapie...Come on, kids." He sighed, hoisting up the gun over his shoulder and coming to terms with the fact that this probably included Jerry and Barry, as well. "We have to go do a..." God, it hurt to say it. "...fucking piece of shit Space Battles."

[[ continued from here! NFB, NFI, OOC YAY BLAH BLAH BLAH! Taken from S04 E10 of Rick and Morty, "Starmort Rickturn of the Jerri", with modifications and a little help from badassprodigy! This is clearly where the good stuff starts! Nothing like a little planet destroying on a Friday evening, am I right?? ]]