somethingwithturquoise | MHA #8: Thursday Morning [04/17].

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MHA #8: Thursday Morning [04/17].

So, yesterday had been....honestly a lot, but Summer had been thinking it could have been much worse. Sure, things at the bar were awkward, but she felt she sort of skirted around the issue she was trying to avoid pretty effectively. Squirrel brain was only going to get her so far, though, and she'd completely failed to take into account the fact that her apartment was right below Stark's, and in a vacuum, she could probably convince herself that her shaking him off after he walked her home had been super effective, she could actually hear him pacing upstairs pretty much all night, probably wringing his hands and trying to figure out where it was he'd gone wrong, which definitely made it clear to her that she needed to just get this over with and have this conversation.

Knowing as she did that he hadn't probably slept much, though, she made sure to swing by the Perk and pick up coffee and donuts for them both, because even though this was going to suck, at least they'd have caffeine and sugar to make it a little better.

So after a brief moment of thinking about just not, Summer reprimanded herself, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

[[for the very permissibly modded alien in the apartment, please and thank you~ ]]

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"I'm sorry," Summer said, with a wince, and that was probably also going to happen often, along with the wincing, the apologizing, and, god , it sucked hurting him like this, but what was the other option? To just pretend everything was fine and suck up the fact that the idea of sticking this through made her kind of want to just scream? Stark wouldn't really want that, would he? If he did, then this was a million times even more the right choice.

"It's just....it's just too much, Stark. I didn't want anything too serious, but once you hit that year mark, that's it. You're locked in. It's serious from then on in."

Of course he wouldn't want that. Hurting Summer was the last thing he wanted to do. Ever.

"I never needed serious, Summer," Stark said. "And I don't know how this all works because it's never worked, for me, and I never...I don't want you feeling trapped. Locked. Tied. Any of that. Never."

She knew that, didn't she? He braved a glance at her face hoping there was confirmation there that she did.

"But I love you. And I can't...that doesn't stop I can't turn it off." His life would have hurt him so much less if he could.

In a much softer voice he added "I don't want to turn that off."

Well, Summer supposed this was all going to be a pretty good test of that, huh? Because if he didn't need serious and he didn't want her to feel any of those things, then...all this...shouldn't be a problem, right?

She looked over at him sympathetically for a moment before shaking her head a little, and dropping her eyes. A shoulder lifted in a sort-of shrug. "And you don't have to turn it off. I'm not going to turn it off. Like, just because we're not In A Relationship doesn't mean we just stop loving each other. It just...it just means we...just...go back to being just friends. Or at least try to. I mean, maybe it won't work. I like to think it would work..."

Her eyes lifted back toward him, both imploring and a little apologetic, for potentially having to weaponize this against him. "I mean," she added, "that's what we said when we started this whole thing, wasn't it? That the most important thing, no matter what happens, is that we still remain friends?"

"Summer."

He'd said her name so many different ways over the years. Had it ever sounded quite so sad?

"You are the most important person in my life. The best friend I have ever had. Better than I ever would have hoped. And that... that's worth the universe."

"And I'm not going anywhere," Summer reminded him emphatically. "I'll still be here and be your friend and here when you need me. Just not, you know, as a girlfriend anymore, because it's just getting to be too much, and I just know that if we kept up like this, I'm just going to end up resenting you up regretting it and I don't want that, and I know you don't want it, either."

"I never meant to be too much."

It was going to take some time, perhaps a lot of time, to truly accept that he hadn't done something wrong here. If he got to the point of accepting it.

"I know i can be but I didn't... but that's not what you meant... right?"

He sighed softly. "I'm sorry. I'm probably doing this wrong."

He had the last time.

"I don't want to lose you. Ever. I just..."

"You just worry too much," Summer finished, with a soft sort of distant smile, because it seemed like it had been a while, since she had to use that one. "And you're fine. You're great. You've been great. And I'm sure if this was me, like, ten years from now, I'd be super happy with that, but I'm not, I'm me now, and for me now, this just....isn't it. It isn't anything you did, either. Or anything you didn't do. It just....isn't right for me right now."

"You're you now," Stark echoed. "And you now needs to be happy. I want you to be."

Because he loved her fiercely. Without hesitation.

"I... I'm sorry i didn't know, before."

What would he have done differently? He wasn't sure. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.

"How could you have?" Summer asked, and while there seemed to be a little bit of a challenge in it, it mostly just sounded apologetic and a touch regretful. "I wasn't even letting myself know it....right up until literally the moment I had no choice but to stare it straight in the face."

It would just be easier if he could blame himself for something, Summer!

"I don't know I just...worry too much." And now he was worrying he'd missed something for all this time.

"And now. I just...I don't know. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do right now."

Besides let his thoughts spiral.

Maybe lawyer up? Hit the gym? Delete Facebook?

"I don't know, either," said Summmer, helpfully, with another one of those single-shoulder shrugs. "Maybe just...have some donuts and coffee with me?"

The gym kept weirdly not being posted on Tuesdays and someone had no social media!

"Can...am I allowed to hug you?"

He really wasn't sure where he stood at the moment.

Anyone can post the gym, though! And Facebook was garbage anyway. Summer was probably too young for that meme.

Summer may have stared at Stark just a little bit, as if even all her expectations could not truly lay out for her what sort of work was ahead for them.

"Yes, Stark," she said. "You can definitely still hug me."

In fact, she was going to help him out there and move the bag of donuts aside so she could scoot forward and beat him to it and hug him first.

Look, he had never had an ex before, really. He'd never been a boyfriend before last year!

Just ignore the little sniffling noise he made, Summer. And give him a minute because he really, really needed this hug.

"Good. I don't...I don't know who else i would hug." Anakin only got hugged when it was funny to do so!

He didn't let go immediately. He really needed this. Aside from the brief kiss hello (goodbye?) at the bar last night he hadn't had any real physical contact in a week and a half.

Sorry, Stark. Summer was absolutely not going to ignore that sniffle. In fact, she was going to give him an extra tight squeeze with that hug specifically because of it.

And she was going to let him hug her for as long as he needed.

Well. If it went for a while, she might have to draw a line, but for now? This was fine. More than fine.

And she was quiet for a moment, debating a little with herself before she let out a soft snort into his shoulder and offered, "You could always go hug Ignis. I'm sure he'd love that."

Stark let out a sound that almost soundedlike a laugh. Almost. A little too choked for that.

"Please don't try and get me killed, Summer."

"I'm just going to take the fact that you're not just going to leap at the chance to throw yourself into his arms to put yourself out of your misery as a good sign," Summer decided her own voice still lightly playful but, also, like, legit sincere, too.

"There are less painful ways to do that."

He was kidding. Probably?

He pulled back, a little, reluctantly, headless of the fact there was an actual tear on his cheek.

"The coffee's going to get cold."

Unless it was iced in which case the narrative would pretend he'd said the ice was melting.

If he wasn't kidding, Summer would just have Liliana bring him back and really lay into him about how stupid that was.

As he pulled back, there was another sad smile on her face, and a moment where she was just going to wipe that tear away with her thumb and shrug.

"We could just nuke 'em if they do," she pointed out.

It wasn't something he ever seriously considered. He wasn't ready to send himself to the Other Side. Not even on his worst days and it had been a long time since he'd truly experienced one of those.

"I...right. We could. We could just do that. You're right. And...maybe we should try the donuts."

He just wasn't hungry.

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MHA #8: Thursday Morning [04/17].

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