somethingwithturquoise | MHA #4; Wednesday [04/28].

There were no jello shots at Caritas tonight.

In fact, there was no Summer at Caritas tonight, either.

What would even be the point? The island was going crazy, and everyone should probably stay at home! Sure, Caritas was a safe space, and that was good if anyone needed it, and it was literally right across the street so it wouldn't take long to get there, but, knowing her luck? Ha! She'd probably be dead before she barely stepped out the door!

Not that she figured she was much safer in her own apartment, because she did not at all trust those looks Pancakes was giving her, and this wouldn't even be the first time a pet had threatened her! At least Pancakes didn't have a mech suit, though!

....YET.

Besides, she was thoroughly convinced that anyone who actually did go to Caritas would have a much better time without her there. Because that's just how it was. Things were always better without her. Just look at her parents' lives if she hadn't been born, and the Resistance was probably thriving now that she was out of the picture. Why do you think Grampa Rick only ever wanted to take Morty on adventures and never her? Because she sucked. And things always sucked more when she was involved. Tino didn't need her there. Tino probably didn't even want her there.

No one did.

And it definitely didn't help that Summer just could not stop doomscrolling through all the happy, perfect posts from people on all her socials, almost as if something that knew it would only exacerbate these feelings was compelling her to keep doing so.

[[ very much open! with potential bouts of SP because work has been stupid stressful lately, ugh ]]

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Seivarden filled both their glasses.

"Where were you trying to go?" she asked, hoping for all the details, because she really didn't want to have to get up from the couch and leave anytime soon. At least being around Summer made her feel a little calmer.

She raised the glass.

There was a long, long pause, as Summer took the other glass and just stared into it as if facing down the fear of potential ridicule.

Sure, Seivarden already knew about Hunky waiter pancake cat cafe; they'd been there together! But that didn't make it (suddenly) absolutely mortifying.

"Oh," she said vaguely, "just....somewhere. It's not important.

"So this is arrack, huh?"

Topic change? Topic change!

Blatant topic change. Seivarden wasn't going to point it out though, especially since she intended to stay here for as long as she could.

She tried the arrack.

"It is. Not the best available, but definitely not the worst. What do you think?"

What did she think? Other than suddenly that it might be poisoned?

But she'd watched Seivarden pour from the bottle and drink it herself.

Maybe it was a Radchaai immunity.

Maybe they got it from drinking all that tea.

Summer swallowed the newfound lump in the throat before tentatively lifting her own cup and taking a small sip.

Well, it didn't taste poisoned.

But wouldn't that be the point?

"It's good!" she gushed, and would have said that even if she hadn't liked it, but it really wasn't that bad. "I can see why you like it so much."

Seivarden grinned. "I thought you'd like it."

She took another sip, no, actually she drank deeply, then turned serious:

"I've been thinking though. About Breq."

Normally, Summer would have probably made a quip about how Seivarden was always thinking about Breq, but right now, Summer was realizing that someone actually, for some ungodly reason, actually did seem to want to spend time with her right now and didn't think she was just the worst (or was at least willing to pretend as much), and she wanted to cling to that before she ruined it.

"What about her?" she asked, softly, trying to sound curious and compassionate without being nosy or gossipy, not really sure if she landed it.

It sounded to Seivarden as if she was listening which was the most important thing.

"I know she would never lie to me, and she did say she didn't send me here to get rid of me. But what if she realises it's easier for her if I'm here."

She drank again, her glass now half-empty.

And Summer....didn't know what to do right now. Should she tell Seivarden what she really thought? But that probably wasn't what Seivarden wanted to hear, and the last time she told someone what she thought candidly, he got upset and called her a terrible bartender, and the fact that Seivarden even wanted to be here....

She looked a little desperate as she said, "But I mean, you talked to her, right? You should trust her. Why would it be easier?"

Seivarden slumped back.

"Because I just fuck things up. She sent me here because she wants me to be more independent, because when I'm not, that's what I do. Fuck things up."

She didn't look at Summer, just reached for the bottle to refill both their glasses.

But Summee had barely even touched hers! She'd take the top-off, though, and the reminder to drink more, because otherwise Seivarden might get suspicious that she was suspicious.

"To fuck-ups, then," she offered, lifting her cup, and definitely making good on thay 'drinking more' decision. "What can you do? Some of us are just destined to make everything we touch worse than it was before."

...that was helpful, right?

"To fuck-ups."

She snorted. "You're right. Not much to do, is there?"

After some more arrack, she added: "So, what did you fuck up recently?"

Summer looked at Seivarden.

She looked at the bottle.

She looked back.

"You didn't bring nearly enough arrack for that, Seivarden."

"What? Why?"

Seivarden said.

"I haven't seen you fuck up a lot of things so I would like to know."

Summer gave Seivarden a look like she couldn't believe her society could grow whole ass limbs for people, and yet somehow she could manage to be that blind.

"So should I work back from whatever it was I did to piss off Pancakes today," which would be interesting, because, seriously, she had noooooo idea what it was and she haaaaated it, "or start at the beginning with even being born?"

"Pancakes is a cat," Seivarden pointed out. "It doesn't take a lot to piss off a cat."

"You have friends. You have a boyfriend who loves you. People show up at Caritas and try even your terrible jello shots just to hang out with you. You actually manage to do useful things."

Well, Seivarden did have a few friends. She hoped Summer counted herself among them. The rest of that though...

MHA #4; Wednesday [04/28].

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