somethingwithturquoise | Some Space Jail; Planet [Unknown]; Dimension [Unknown]; Sunday Morning [08/09].

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Some Space Jail; Planet [Unknown]; Dimension [Unknown]; Sunday Morning [08/09].

It had been a long night for Summer there in space jail on some unfamiliar planet in some unknown dimension. Seivarden had eventually fallen asleep, laid out on the single cot in their cell, which worked out fine, because Summer couldn't sleep even if she'd wanted to. Her brain was a whirlwind of activity, trying to figure out something, anything that might help them get out of here, while trying not to think of the torture poor Mr. PB was enduring right now at the hands of his insatiable fans. And what made it worse was that he'd trusted her, that's why he'd turned to her, she was the only one he could trust and she failed him.

She had to do something.

"I've got to keep it together," she murmured, to herself, quietly, trying not to disturb Seivarden as she paced a little. Maybe Rick would realize something was up and show up at the nick of time? But she couldnt' depend on that. She didn't want to depend on that. She was Summer Smith. She'd gotten out of way worse pickles than this before, she blew up a whole section of Coruscant, she could certainly blow her and Seivarden's asses out of some rinky dink space jail...

As she paced, her foot squashed onto something thick and gooey, and Summer, dreading what she'd find, looked down and pulled her foot slowly out of some unindentifiable gunk on the floor.

"Gaaaaaah!" She sucked in the scream of frustration to keep it down. "I'm no good behind bars! I need to get out of here!"

With a sigh, she dropped down on the floor against the wall again, looking mildly over at where the little bowler hat that Mr. PB had used for his disguise, which she'd managed to keep even though they confiscated most of their things. Seeing it sitting there was like a stab into her heart, a reminder of how much she totally sucked right now, and she picked it up sadly.

"What would Mr. Poopybutthole do?" she asked herself quietly, then went to go put the hat on top of her head, as if that might somehow inspire her to think more like her friend and what he might do to get out of this sticky situation.

And that was when something fell out of the hat and clunked onto Summer's head, and then clattered on the floor.

"What...the hell." She reached down to pick it up and gasped. "The portal gun!"

Her exclamation sent a series of little feet pattering down the hallway. "Is everything alright in there, ma'am?" asked the guard, clearly annoyed by this disturbance, with his billy club already out threateningly.

Summer swiftly hid the gun behind her back. "Wh-what?" she laughed a little. "Aha, sure!!"

"Well," said the guard, the grin on his face maniacle in its sadistic glee, "lemme tell you, missy, you won't be for long. For the crimes you've committed, you'll either rot in here forever...or far, far worse!"

"Haha," said Summer, grinning through the sweat now dappling her forehead. "O-oh, okay, then! Thanks."

The guard took a few moments to glare at her longer, probably imagining her horrible death in a million different ways, before, finally, he turned to talk back down the hall on his patrol. Summer watched him, waiting until he turned a corner before rushing over to the cot.

"Seivarden!" she whispered loudly as she tried to shake her awake. "Seivarden, wake up, you're not going to believe what I just found!"

[[ for the other jailbird! The bulk of this and the initial post were lifted straight from Rick and Morty: Lil' Poopy Superstar by Sarah Graley, and many, many thanks to

1000yearstoolate for allowing me to drag her into my very special canon that forced you all to be exposed to the word 'poopybutthole' way more times than anyone ever should be <3 ]]

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Seivarden mumbled something, still mostly asleep. She slowly opened her eyes.

"Summer. Can't you just let me die in peace?"

"I mean," said Summer, settling back a little as Seivarden started waking up, "sure, if that's what you want, but I'm gonna use this portal gun," she whipped it out to prove that she wasn't just messing with her, "to get out of here."

Seivarden immediately got to her feet.

"Right, what are we waiting for?"

She threw a glance towards the door.

"Just shoot."

"I was waiting on you, ya dink," said Summer. "Hold on a sec, let me just che--"

Summer went to fiddle with the gun in her hands.

"--eeehhfuuuuck."

Because that was an encouraging thing to hear, right?

Edited 2020-08-09 18:03 (UTC)

"What's wrong?" Seivarden said, looking genuinely scared.

"It's the battery," said Summer, after letting out a slow, careful, we're-not-going-to-panic breath, turning the gauge toward Seivarden as if she might be going crazy and the thing wasn't blinking low battery at them threateningly. "It's drained. We'll be lucky if we can even get one portal out of it...

"Which is fine!" she said quickly. "One is better than what we had before! We just have to be smart about this, we've got to strategise the best way to get out of here..."

"Aatr's tits, you get a gun that runs on batteries and no charger? Aren't you used to your fucking phone running out of battery?"

Seivarden looked like she didn't know how to react.

"It's not like I thought to grab a charger!" Summer complained, although quietly, because the last thing they needed right now was the guard to figure out that something was up before they had a plan. "I didn't even know it could run out of battery!"

And yet...there they were.

"Okay, okay, okay," she said, shaking her head, as if to push away any arguments about battery life for now so she could focus on the task at hand. "Obviously, we can't just use the gun to get out of here and find PB, because then we'll be stuck here. Teleporting back to Fandom is out of the question, because we can't just leave PB here. And we could teleport back to my home and get the portal gun charged, but then Grampa Rick'll know I knicked it in the first place, and the chances of me ever snagging it again to get you home eventually goes right out the window...."

Plus, Rick would totally usurp the wholething andsnag all the credit and Summer would wind up just being the stupid bitch again, and fuuuuuuck thaaaaaat.

"There's gotta be a better wa--"

She gasped. "I got it! Okay, follow my lead. HEY! GUARD!"

The guard's dumb yellow face was peering through the bars again. "What?"

"Soooooo," said Summer, with a jaunty little grin, "I was wondering. Like, how big of a fan of Mr. Poopybutthole are you?"

His face now a rictus of pure, tortured passion, the guard grabbed the bars and pressed his face into them. "I LOVE HIM!" he declared. "WITH THE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND WHITE HOT SUNSSSSSSSSS!!"

"Interesting!" said Summer, turning on her sweetest, best jello-selling smile. "Because, you know me and Poopy are pretty close. I could, like, hook you up with some signed merch if you just let me and my friend outta here..."

"Hmmmmm...." He guard seemed to be considering Summer carefully, as he slowly lifted his hand, which held a glittery golden key between his long little yellow fingers. "A very tempting offer..."

Summer held her breath, barely wanting to even believe this was working...

"But I'd rather eat these keys than ever let you out!"

"Oh."

Well, never mind that, then.

"Okay, then!" Summer said brightly, reached an arm out through the bars, and promptly smashed her fist into the top of the guard's head.

The key went flying through the air. "Yoink!" said Summer, reaching out to snag it. "Seivarden, come give me a boost so I can reach the lock and let us out of here!"

"Good punch," Seivarden said, crossing the floor to help her." "Let's get out of here."

She was going to think about how to portal out of this place later.

Summer got the lock, which, for all her complaining earlier about how it was going to be difficult to pick, was suprisingly simple, and the door swung open, crashed into the unconcscious body of the guard, and Summer stepped out with a proud little, "Step one complete!"

And her attention shifted to the guard currently smushed between the door and the wall. "I wonder if he's got anything useful on him..."

As she knelt down to rifle through his pockets, step two finally started to formulate. No, she had not had step two planned yet, but she wasn't going to admit that to Seivarden and was going to do her best to act like she wasn't completely making this up as she went along.

"Keep watch," she informed Seivarden, as she picked up the body of the guard and started dragging it back into the cell. "Try to scope out any good escape routes, I'll be right back."

They were on the third floor of a stack of cell blocks that looked just as drab and uniform as any other typical basic-ass space jail, so there wasn't a whole lot to discern fromwhere they were just then.

"Right or left?"

Those were the only options she could see.

"We should try to get some weapons."

There wasn't much point in trying to hide in a place like this, so Seivarden nervously glanced over her shoulder.

"Summer? Are you coming?"

"No," came Summer's voice from inside the cell, "I'm just going to leave you out there. Of course I'm coming."

And, a few seconds later, she did, buttoning up the last button on the drab olive green shirt that she'd clearly just swiped from the guard and miraculously managed to fit into, and as she emerged, she gave it a little tug and an additional pat-down to make sure everything was set.

"Oooh!" she realized, hand patting down one of the breast pockets on the shirt. "There's some paper in this pocket! Like, maybe a map of the prison?"

It was not a map of the prison.

"What the--?"

It was a drawing of Mr. PB and the guard inside of a heart, with many floating hearts around them, with the words ME + PB 4EVA written on it.

"Okay, then." She crumpled up the paper, threw it over her shoulder, and narrowed her eyes at the jail around them. "Looks like we're going in blind....

"Let's tryyyy...this way!"

Was it totally random? Yes. But it was as good a guess as any!

So, left it was. Seivarden followed Summer, hoping they would have more luck than they had so far.

"I hate this planet. Or is this a whole universe?"

"I'm pretty sure," said Summer, as she peered around a corner, saw the coast was clear, and then gestured for Seivarden to keep following, "this mostly just this planet. It's probably in a different universe than my Earth, but I think it's the same dimension, so if we manage to at least get off this planet--"

But then she stopped, threw out her arm, and pushed herself and Seivarden back against the wall, and just in time, as the shadows seemed to hide them well enough that the two guards passing didn't notice them. She held her breath until she was sure they'd disappeared well down the interceting hall and then, with a silent nod, continued on their way.

But stopped again shortly after, her eyes gone wide as something distracted her enough to turn down a different direction, and she peered over the edge of a corner.

"Oooh!"

"Yesss!" Her fists balled excitedly in front of her, Summer gave a little thrilled giggle before starting forward like a kid about to enter a candy shop with literally no adults in it.

"Seivarden! It's the armory!"

And it. Was. Beautiful! With a whole wall of gleaming, sparkling space guns, blast helmets, bulletproof vests...

Ohmygod, she was going to cry.

Seivarden didn't wait, she crossed the room, grabbed a helmet and a vest in looked like it would fit her, and slipped them on.

Then two guns.

"I hope these don't run out of battery too."

To that, Summer just looked over her shoulder to give Seivarden a withering expression before grabbing a gun off the wall for herself.

"I wonder what they d--"

As she spoke, she flipped a switch and idly pulled the trigger while pointing it at the wall, issuing out a widening blast of blue energy that nearly incinerated the poor shelf that had the misfortune of being in her way into ash.

"Whoa...

"I'm taking, like, three of these."

But that's when Summer, while making a mad grab for most guns like they were cute tops at a mega blow-out sale, heard voices approaching. "Shit," she said, looked around, and then grabbed Seivarden's arm to drag her behind a shelf where they could crouch down and hopefully be unnoticed, but at least now they were armed in case they were noticed.

"So you heard about those people that kidnapped Mr. Poopybutthole?" one of the guard entering the armory was saying, because what jail break didn't include a tense moment of expositionary dialogue?

"Ugh!" said the other guard. "Yeah! Disgusting criminals!"

"Well," said the first guard, "word is that they're gonna execute 'em tonight."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Real gruesome-like, too!"

"Oooh yeah?"

"Ooooh yeah. They're gonna cut them up into tiny little pieces and broadcast the whole thing on national television."

"Ohmygod," Summer whispered, "we so need to get out of here."

"What kind of uncivilised people are they?" Seivarden whispered back. "Let's wait until they're gone so we don't set off some kind of alarm."

"Or," Summer offered, a bit witheringly, especially as the guards seemed to be getting rather comfortable sitting there and going into shockingly graphic detail about just how they planned to cut the two of them up into little tiny pieces on a national television, "we can actually just use these super powerful guns we just got and fight our way out of here. Who knows how long it'll be? And what if they find us anyway? Or someone else does?"

Seivarden sighed.

"You have a point."

She stepped out from behind the shelf, then quickly fired two shots, one for each of the guards, with the aims of someone with long experience in the military.

Which kiiiiiiind of killed the whole dramatic reveal that Summer was going to go for, but whatever. The disappointment of not being able to deliver some badass line before incinerating those mo-fos was tampered at least a little by how good those shots were.

"Not bad," she allowed, then looked around for a moment before pointing in another direction. "This way!"

Of course, their activity wasn't going to go unnoticed for too long. This was, as far as space jails went, really rinky-dink, but it was still, you know, a jail, and it was clear that their escape had been noticed when around a few more corners of this impossibly labyrinthian prison was the calvary.

Summer didn't hesitate this time, firing off two shots of her own, one after the other, with her two guns, but the guards were firing back, with one shot that went straight into one of Summer's guns and sent it flying out of her hand before dissipating into ash.

"Not cool, you guys!" she complained.

"LIKE HOW IT WASN'T COOL WHEN YOU TOOK MR. POOPYBUTTHOLE AWAY FROM US?!" a very short and rotund alien who clearly made up for his height with his rage shouted, aiming his next shot more squarely at Summer.

She was quick enough to dodge the beam, though, and it went crashing into the wall behind her with a loud BOOM! and a crumbling of the stone, creating an incredibly large hole in it that lead to the outside world.

Summer snorted, and was going to waste absolutely no time crawling out of that hole, thaaaaanks, though she was going to throw out, as she did, "We didn't kidnap him. He's my friend, you dorks."

Because, really, it needed to be said, and now they needed to get across the open field, where a small spaceship was settled, waiting for them like a convenient plot device.

Seivarden followed Summer, firing a few shots behind her in case someone decided to follow.

"Now where do we find your friend with the stupid name."

"That was uncalled for," said Summer, who was also definitely firing a few shots back after herself, too, but then figured Seivarden could take the cover while she searched her pockets for the keys she'd noticed earlier.

"And let's just focus on getting out of here first, and then we'll figure out how to find Mr. Poopybutthole, which is a perfectly fine and acceptable and dare I mentioned cherished name in his culture, although considering what they were doing to him and what they were planning on doing to us, okay, fair point, maybe might not be that great of an endorsement..."

Reaching the tiny little ship and kneeling down in hopes to find a lock, she muttered a little to herself. "I hope these keys I nabbed off that guard work! Please work! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!!"

"Summer? You better hurry up."

Seivarden fired a few shots through the hole.

"I am hurrying!" Summer insisted, but apparently, she wasn't hurrying so much that she couldn't spare a roll of her eyes at Captain Impatient over here. It was almost as if she'd never been in a death-defying close encounter with a shit ton of pissed off murderous aliens before, jeeeeeez.

But finally, the key clicked into the keyhole and the bubble port lifted up, and she breathed out an "Ohthankgod" before climbing in and then scooting over to make what little space she could for Seivarden, too.

It was not a roomy ship, like, at all; it was even smaller than her Grampa Rick's piece of crap, which said a lot, but it would work, and she had bigger problems to focus on.

"How does this thing even work?"

It was nothing like her current ship. Definitely nothing like her Gazorpazorpian ship. And she would easily bet a million bucks that it wasn't anything like a Radchaai ship, either.

Seivarden snorted.

"Not that I expected any impressive ships on this planet, but this?"

On the other hand, it was an escape route if they could get it working. She pushed a few buttons, hoping it would at least get the door closed.

"Yeah, no," Summer snorted, "this is probably the second crappiest ship I've seen in my entire life."

Which constituted a whole four years of even being exposed to space travel, but still!

At least Seivarden's button-mashing did seem to lead to the door closing, but little else, while Summer futilely flipped a few switches and pressed the center of the steering wheel (even the ship's horn was pathetic). She tried several of the keys on the port, even though there were no key holes in sight and then, in frustration, smashed her fist on the dash, which also did nothing.

"Ugh!" She lifted her hands a moment, pressing their heels into her forehead as if that would help her think. "I just want to get to Mr. Poopybutthole!"

The ship responded with a cheery chime.

"Coordinates set to Mr. Poopybutthole's location," the ship said in a surprisingly soothing and gentle voice, considering everyone on this planet seemed to speak like they were sucking helium while being strangled. "Take off in three...two...one."

And with a massive thrust from the engines, the ship lifted off the ground and into the sky.

"Oh. My. God," said Summer, who took one second before pumping a fist in the air. "Ohmygod! We're coming for you, Mr. PB, wherever you are!"

"At least that wasn't terrible," Seivarden said. "Now if only we had our phones we could call Portalocity and get home."

That was a big complaint there, Summer, ant it looked like there was more to come.

It was Seivarden. There was always more complaints to come.

"After we save Mr. Poopybutthole," Summer reminded her with her millionth withering look since this whole thing started, "and what are you even talking about? Of course I got our phones, they were back in the armory. You honestly think I'd leave without my phone?"

And, to prove that she had the receipts and since she clearly didn't need to steer this ship, she fished a few of their personal affects out of her pockets and handed Seivarden's back to her.

While trying to not overthink the fact that they were in a ship with a very advanced AI right now, because, yeah. Yeah...

Seivarden didn't trust the AI either, just hoping that it was bad enough that their enemies wouldn't be able to control it.

"Oh, good," she said, reaching for her phone. "I just hope we have reception."

Meanwhile, while Summer and Seivarden were making their way over the city and hurtling toward this very spot, Mr. Poopybutthole sat, fretting and sweating while manacled to a chair in his agent's office. Cecelia made for quite the imposing figure...for a small, round yellow alien, anyway, with menacing black shades as sharp and pointy as her teeth, her nails, and her drive for ruthless exploiation of the biggest cash cow in her entire career, and she was reminding Mr. PB of all those contracts and deals they had made that he had walked out of and pointing out that she basically owned him and, to make up for his recent transgressions, he would be subjected to whatever she pleased to make up for the millions upon millions that she lost...that she would easily gain back now that he'd returned to her clutches.

Which, you know, really sucked.

In a desperate plea to get some time alone to think about what he was going to do about this grisly fate, Mr. PB convinced Cecilia that he couldn't exactly act with a full bladder and it was while he contemplated simply flushing himself down the toilet to escape that the pilfered ship containing Summer and Seivarden and their currently unresponsive phones came crashing into the wall of the room where Cecilia and her goons waited for their precious actor.

"Nice landing, ship," Summer scoffed derisively as she gingerly rubbed at the spot on her forehead where she'd totally bonked it on the steering wheel upon impact, in the few seconds before getting her bearings back...and the few seconds of surprise where Cecilia and her goons were accessing the fact that a police space ship had just smashed into their private meeting.

"Ouch," Seivarden said, rubbing her elbow.

"Where's Mr Poopy... your friend," she said, looking out through the window, then turned her head towards Summer.

"There are just some locals here, and one of them is wearing ugly glasses."

Edited 2020-08-12 18:23 (UTC)

"She looks...important," Summer decided, and, since they'd sort of just crashed through the wall, they weren't exactly going unnoticed, so she smashed the button to open the door, steadied her gun, and leaped out into the room.

And straight for the one in the ugly glasses.

"Cover my back!" she shouted to Seivarden as, shocked by the very same individuals that had allegedly kidnapped and brainwashed her precious star emerged from the wreckage, Cecilia let out a hideous scream of "OOOOOOOH-WEEEEEEE!", her long, forked tongue flickering in distress. Just in time for Summer to reach her, pin her to the ground, grab the front of her seriously awful green blazer, and put the gun right in her stupid yellow face.

"WHERE IS HE???" Summer demanded, really hoping that Seivarden was taking care of those goons that could be at her back (or worse!) at any moment. "Where is Mr. Poopybutthole??"

Seivarden just quickly shot those goons, as she climbed out of the spaceship.

"That's a really ugly tongue," she said, frowning as she looked at Cecilia.

"Ohmygod," said Summer, who really couldn't help herself, smirking but keeping her eyes on Cecilia, "it's not like she can help her tongue, Seivarden.

"But what she can help," she added, her tone shifting back to dark and threatening as she pressed the end of the gun into the agent's face, "is us, in finding Mr. Poopybutthole so we can get him and ourselves out of here for good, and--"

The door burst open, the goon who had accompanied Mr. PB to the bathroom throwing it open at the sound of the commotion, PB not too far behind as he gasped out, his eyes gone wide and sparkly at the sight of them.

"Summer! And Summer's friend!"

"PB!!" said Summer, her eyes, too, almost reaching that PB-level of excitement, but she wasn't about to be distracted to see him safe and relatively sound. They were far from in the clear yet!

"Back off!" she warned whatever goons were still left and at the mercy of Seivarden's guns. "And no one gets hurt!" She glowered at the agent she had in a headlock at gunpoint. "Unless they deserve it."

"I can't believe you came to rescue me, Summer!" PB gushed, and Summer met that with a smile.

"Well, duh, PB!" she said. "WHen I said I had your back, I meant it! I'll always have your back."

"You're a real pal, Summer!" Mr. PB trilled.

"Oh, PB, you're--"

But while all this love and happiness and rainbows and sunshine was passing between the reunited BFFs, Cecilia took her chance, opening her mouth and biting hard on Summer's arm, then swiping out her own arm to knock the gun out of her surprised hands.

"Pure poison!" she shrieked. "Quick, dispose of this venomous-mouthed heathen!"

"With pleasure," said the goon at the door, raising his gun...

"Oh, fuck," Seivarden said, then shot the goon.

"Summer, can we just get out of here now?"

"Um, excuse you," said Summer, "we were having a moment!"

"Your moment is up!" Cecilia screeched again, having used the distraction to snatch up Summer's gun and point it directly at her, and this time, she was not playing any games, she pulled the trigger, ready to obliverate that bitch, once and for all!

"Summer!" cried Mr. Poopybutthole, rushing forward. "I'll save you!"

"Poopy, no!"

But it was too late! Mr. Poopybutthole threw himself forward, ready to get in the way of the energy blast shooting from the gun, and horror struck the room.

"Ohmygod," said Summer, cradling Mr. PB's small, frail body in her arms. "PB..."

He let out a soft whimper.

"They shot your stop hat straight off and into smithereens," said Summer, her hand floating sadly over the space where his cute little hat used to perch.

"Oooo!" Mr. PB gushed, and, laughing, threw his arms around Summer. "I thought I was gonna die!"

"Me, too!!" Summer admitted, laughing with her relief as well. "Glad you didn't, though!"

"Ugh! Useless!" Cecilia raged. "Your top hat is your main appeal, and without it, you're nothing!"

A silence washed over the room, but this one, a much different one, as a cold fury seemed to sweet out from Summer and chill the entire room.

"Are. You. SERIOUS?!" she demanded, fists balled up at her side and her face red with anger. "Mr. Poopybutthole is far more than his hat, lady. Like, oh my god! Actually? You know what? Whatever. I'm done."

With that, Summer pulled the portal gun out from where it was in her back pocket, fiddled with the coordinates again, and shot it toward the nearest wall.

Which included shooting it directly into the side of Cecilia's head, which left her a partially melted mass on the floor, but, like Summer so succinctly put it, whatever.

"Come on, Mr. PB. Seivarden. Let's get the fuck out of here."

With that, Summer took Mr. Poopybutthole's hand in hers, smiled over at Seivarden, and stepped over Cecilia's wheezing corpse into the beckoning green void before them.

"Finally."

Seivarden was soon right behind Summer, avoiding the corpse, and stepping through the portal.

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Some Space Jail; Planet [Unknown]; Dimension [Unknown]; Sunday Morning [08/09].

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