Summer Smith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
somethingwithturquoise) wrote2017-08-21 10:12 am
somethingwithturquoise) wrote2017-08-21 10:12 am
The Citadel of Ricks; 08/21.
Because an overgrown world with feral versions of her family wasn't enough of a mind-fuck for Summer today, she was now being marched through a new location in handcuffs, feeling equal parts awe and fear. "A city of Grampas?"
"It's the Citadel of Ricks," Morty explained. "All the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government."
"But if every Rick hates the government," Summer asked, "why would they hate Grampa?"
"Because Ricks hate themselves the most. And our Rick is the most himself."
"Not anymore, homey," said the Rick leading the way. "SEAL Team Ricks turned his unibrow into two brows -- with a bullet." All the ricks laughed and high fived each other, twiddling fingers in a secret handshake and other such shenanigans. "Your Rick's dead! Your Rick's dead! Yeah-heah!"
Great. So now she was stuck in an apparent Citadel of Grampas, only these Grampas all wanted to murder her Grampa. Just great. And now they were being lead into a courtroom of sorts, with a whole row of Ricks dressed in fancy outfits with really weird hairstyles behind a tall golden pedestal. One read out the charges: "Operating an unregistered portal gun, radicalizing a Summer, conspiring with a traitorous Rick. How do you plead?"
"How is this a fair trial?" Morty argued. "Our lawyer is a Morty."
And that Morty positively beamed at his chance to shine.
"It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer," the Rick said. "We just keep him here because he's fun. Look at him go."
And they all chuckled as the other Morty threw his papers aside to dance for them. "Whoo-hoo! Yeah-heah!"
"We'll be lenient," Rick continued, "if you renounce your Rick. What say you, Summer?"
"I say fuck you! My grampa was my hero. You killed him because you were jealous of him. That's pretty obvious from the haircuts. So do what you want to me, but let my brother go. He already renounced Rick."
"Morty?"
And Morty was trying not to be distracted by the other Morty whispering in his ear. "What? N-no, I don't want to see your...Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick. And I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life; that's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake, everything right is wrong, all you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything! And, well....well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more...like a demon, or a...super fuck-up god."
"Let's not suck the ghost of his dick too hard," warned the Council of Ricks. "He was a terrorist, and now he's dead."
"Yeah?" Morty turned on the Council, a new wave of fury in him, pointing a warning finger their way. "If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive, and if you think he's save, he's coming for you!"
This caused quite a stir in the Council of Ricks, grumbling and muttering amongst themselves until, suddenly, inexplicably, unexpectedly, the Citadel was under attack. No, not under attack, not quite. Choas reigned until another Rick showed up with the news as strange aliens flooded into the Citadel and started to attack. "The Citadel's been teleported into..." A staggering burp interrupted the flow of the words, "Federation space! It's doomed. This has to be C-137, you guys!"
In the mumbling that resumed, one of the Ricks grabbed a hold of Summer and backed away from the crowd. "Alright, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage! Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rock, Lasers, Scissors to see who gets the Morty."
But one of the Ricks pulled neither Rock, Lasers, or Scissors. "W-what the hell is that?"
"Payback," he said, holding up the remote and pushing the red button, which sealed the doors around them, and he started firing his gun straight into the other Ricks.
"Grampa Rick!" Summer called out, and Rick ruffled the dumb ass afro off his head into his usual messy coif. "Duh."
"You're alive!"
"Rick!"
"Morty, take this!" Rushing by, he tossed Morty a gun. "You're gonna need it later."
And off to shoot another Rick, until the Rick holding Summer hostage called out, "That's enough, Rick."
"What?" Rick asked when he saw Summer hostage. "What's this supposed to accomplish? We have an infinite amount of grandkids. You're trying to use Disneybucks at a Caeser's Palace here."
"That's a bluff," Summer said desperately. "He's bluffing, sir. He loves me."
"You're a rogue, Rick," said the other Rick. "Irrational. Passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them."
"I came to kill you, bro," Rick said, aiming his gun. "That's not even my original Summer."
"Ohmygod," Summer realized. "He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing!"
"Why not shoot through her?" asked the other Rick.
"20 yards, nine guage plasma pistol. My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you. Second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimalized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I am encouraging you to do."
"What the fuck?" said Summer, because seriously right now.
"Or let her go," said Rick, "which I will reward with a quicker death."
"Because you looo~ove her," taunted the other Rick.
"Because," Rick rolled his eyes, "it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot. Which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you gotta do to get that started is kill the girl."
"I hate you!" Summer shouted.
"Not an issue, sweetie," Rick shouted back, charging up his gun.
"That's enough!" In stepped Morty with the gun he'd been given earlier, pointing it at Rick. "Drop the gun, Rick."
"Morty," Rick all but sighed. "I know you're too stupid to really get this, but you're reaally fucking this up right now."
"I'm not letting you let my sister die!" Morty shouted. "Drop the gun!"
"I wasn't going to let her die, you fucking moron!"
"Awww," Summer gushed as the other Rick laughed in triumph.
"The point is," Rick continued, "he thought I was going to."
"I totally did, by the way," the other Rick offered. "You're a fucking moron, Morty."
"Morty!" Summer chimed in. "You fucking idiot."
"You're a serious fucking idiot, Morty!" Rick shouted. "You basically killed us all!"
And the ribbing continued, on and on, a jumble of words and furious looks, anger spewing from Rick and Summer while the other Rick just laughed and laughed and...
"Whaaaaaaaah!" Morty couldn't take it anymore, letting out an animal scream before he pulled the trigger and shot Rick right between the eyes, and then loomed over his fallen body. "Who's stupid now, bitch?"
"Morty!" Summer cried out. "We just got him back!"
But the other Rick released Summer, his chuckling continuing, pleased by this twist of fate in his favor. "Hahaha, ohhhh, that was amazing, Morty, oh my god! Wow. Okay. Let's wrap this--"
As the other Rick lifted his gun toward Morty, a blaster bolt shot through the center of his brain. Rick stood up as the smoke left the barrel, smoothly holstering it as the other Rick collapsed. "Good job, Morty. Let's go, kids."
Summer rushed forward. "What? What happened?"
"Oldest Rick trick in the book," Rick explained by tossing Morty's pistol to Summer.
"'Fake gun,'" Summer said, reading the note attached to the side of the weapon. "'Shoot me in stand off.' Brilliant!"
"Um, yeah," said Morty, trailing after Summer and Rick, "good thing I saw that note!"
They rushed through the Citadel, where the chaos of the initial confusion was dying down, but they were far from clear yet. Thankfully, the kids were fast, and Rick was an excellent shot, so they made it up to Level 9 to access the controls easily.
"So what are you doing with Level 9 access, anyways?" Morty asked as Rick stationed himself in front of the dashboard, pushing at all sorts of buttons and levers.
"Destorying the, uh, buuurp, the Galactic government."
"Awesome!"
"Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other?" Summer asked.
"Or...or...reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space fleet?" asked Morty.
"Good pitches, kids," said Rick, "I'm almost proud. But watch closely as as Grampa topples an empire by changing a one....to a zero."
And back on Earth, in what used to be the White House, a whole bunch of Gromflomites struggled to make sense of it all as their single centralized galactic currency dropped from being worth one of itself, to being worth zero of itself. And since no one is willing to do anything about it without the promise of money, which no one has any longer, the Federation descended into complete anarchy, its members fighting over the most menial of material possessions until they all jumped ship and started for the stars, abandoning Earth once and for all.
[[awww, yeah, I'm going to squirt canon ketchup all over this fandom hot dog. Cut for spoilers and length (and a lot of swearing), part 3 of 4, continued from here and here.]]
"It's the Citadel of Ricks," Morty explained. "All the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government."
"But if every Rick hates the government," Summer asked, "why would they hate Grampa?"
"Because Ricks hate themselves the most. And our Rick is the most himself."
"Not anymore, homey," said the Rick leading the way. "SEAL Team Ricks turned his unibrow into two brows -- with a bullet." All the ricks laughed and high fived each other, twiddling fingers in a secret handshake and other such shenanigans. "Your Rick's dead! Your Rick's dead! Yeah-heah!"
Great. So now she was stuck in an apparent Citadel of Grampas, only these Grampas all wanted to murder her Grampa. Just great. And now they were being lead into a courtroom of sorts, with a whole row of Ricks dressed in fancy outfits with really weird hairstyles behind a tall golden pedestal. One read out the charges: "Operating an unregistered portal gun, radicalizing a Summer, conspiring with a traitorous Rick. How do you plead?"
"How is this a fair trial?" Morty argued. "Our lawyer is a Morty."
And that Morty positively beamed at his chance to shine.
"It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer," the Rick said. "We just keep him here because he's fun. Look at him go."
And they all chuckled as the other Morty threw his papers aside to dance for them. "Whoo-hoo! Yeah-heah!"
"We'll be lenient," Rick continued, "if you renounce your Rick. What say you, Summer?"
"I say fuck you! My grampa was my hero. You killed him because you were jealous of him. That's pretty obvious from the haircuts. So do what you want to me, but let my brother go. He already renounced Rick."
"Morty?"
And Morty was trying not to be distracted by the other Morty whispering in his ear. "What? N-no, I don't want to see your...Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick. And I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life; that's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake, everything right is wrong, all you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything! And, well....well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more...like a demon, or a...super fuck-up god."
"Let's not suck the ghost of his dick too hard," warned the Council of Ricks. "He was a terrorist, and now he's dead."
"Yeah?" Morty turned on the Council, a new wave of fury in him, pointing a warning finger their way. "If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive, and if you think he's save, he's coming for you!"
This caused quite a stir in the Council of Ricks, grumbling and muttering amongst themselves until, suddenly, inexplicably, unexpectedly, the Citadel was under attack. No, not under attack, not quite. Choas reigned until another Rick showed up with the news as strange aliens flooded into the Citadel and started to attack. "The Citadel's been teleported into..." A staggering burp interrupted the flow of the words, "Federation space! It's doomed. This has to be C-137, you guys!"
In the mumbling that resumed, one of the Ricks grabbed a hold of Summer and backed away from the crowd. "Alright, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage! Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rock, Lasers, Scissors to see who gets the Morty."
But one of the Ricks pulled neither Rock, Lasers, or Scissors. "W-what the hell is that?"
"Payback," he said, holding up the remote and pushing the red button, which sealed the doors around them, and he started firing his gun straight into the other Ricks.
"Grampa Rick!" Summer called out, and Rick ruffled the dumb ass afro off his head into his usual messy coif. "Duh."
"You're alive!"
"Rick!"
"Morty, take this!" Rushing by, he tossed Morty a gun. "You're gonna need it later."
And off to shoot another Rick, until the Rick holding Summer hostage called out, "That's enough, Rick."
"What?" Rick asked when he saw Summer hostage. "What's this supposed to accomplish? We have an infinite amount of grandkids. You're trying to use Disneybucks at a Caeser's Palace here."
"That's a bluff," Summer said desperately. "He's bluffing, sir. He loves me."
"You're a rogue, Rick," said the other Rick. "Irrational. Passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them."
"I came to kill you, bro," Rick said, aiming his gun. "That's not even my original Summer."
"Ohmygod," Summer realized. "He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing!"
"Why not shoot through her?" asked the other Rick.
"20 yards, nine guage plasma pistol. My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you. Second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimalized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I am encouraging you to do."
"What the fuck?" said Summer, because seriously right now.
"Or let her go," said Rick, "which I will reward with a quicker death."
"Because you looo~ove her," taunted the other Rick.
"Because," Rick rolled his eyes, "it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot. Which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you gotta do to get that started is kill the girl."
"I hate you!" Summer shouted.
"Not an issue, sweetie," Rick shouted back, charging up his gun.
"That's enough!" In stepped Morty with the gun he'd been given earlier, pointing it at Rick. "Drop the gun, Rick."
"Morty," Rick all but sighed. "I know you're too stupid to really get this, but you're reaally fucking this up right now."
"I'm not letting you let my sister die!" Morty shouted. "Drop the gun!"
"I wasn't going to let her die, you fucking moron!"
"Awww," Summer gushed as the other Rick laughed in triumph.
"The point is," Rick continued, "he thought I was going to."
"I totally did, by the way," the other Rick offered. "You're a fucking moron, Morty."
"Morty!" Summer chimed in. "You fucking idiot."
"You're a serious fucking idiot, Morty!" Rick shouted. "You basically killed us all!"
And the ribbing continued, on and on, a jumble of words and furious looks, anger spewing from Rick and Summer while the other Rick just laughed and laughed and...
"Whaaaaaaaah!" Morty couldn't take it anymore, letting out an animal scream before he pulled the trigger and shot Rick right between the eyes, and then loomed over his fallen body. "Who's stupid now, bitch?"
"Morty!" Summer cried out. "We just got him back!"
But the other Rick released Summer, his chuckling continuing, pleased by this twist of fate in his favor. "Hahaha, ohhhh, that was amazing, Morty, oh my god! Wow. Okay. Let's wrap this--"
As the other Rick lifted his gun toward Morty, a blaster bolt shot through the center of his brain. Rick stood up as the smoke left the barrel, smoothly holstering it as the other Rick collapsed. "Good job, Morty. Let's go, kids."
Summer rushed forward. "What? What happened?"
"Oldest Rick trick in the book," Rick explained by tossing Morty's pistol to Summer.
"'Fake gun,'" Summer said, reading the note attached to the side of the weapon. "'Shoot me in stand off.' Brilliant!"
"Um, yeah," said Morty, trailing after Summer and Rick, "good thing I saw that note!"
They rushed through the Citadel, where the chaos of the initial confusion was dying down, but they were far from clear yet. Thankfully, the kids were fast, and Rick was an excellent shot, so they made it up to Level 9 to access the controls easily.
"So what are you doing with Level 9 access, anyways?" Morty asked as Rick stationed himself in front of the dashboard, pushing at all sorts of buttons and levers.
"Destorying the, uh, buuurp, the Galactic government."
"Awesome!"
"Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other?" Summer asked.
"Or...or...reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space fleet?" asked Morty.
"Good pitches, kids," said Rick, "I'm almost proud. But watch closely as as Grampa topples an empire by changing a one....to a zero."
And back on Earth, in what used to be the White House, a whole bunch of Gromflomites struggled to make sense of it all as their single centralized galactic currency dropped from being worth one of itself, to being worth zero of itself. And since no one is willing to do anything about it without the promise of money, which no one has any longer, the Federation descended into complete anarchy, its members fighting over the most menial of material possessions until they all jumped ship and started for the stars, abandoning Earth once and for all.
[[awww, yeah, I'm going to squirt canon ketchup all over this fandom hot dog. Cut for spoilers and length (and a lot of swearing), part 3 of 4, continued from here and here.]]