somethingwithturquoise | Outside the Archeon Nebula; the GFFW, Tuesday [01/15].

"This," Kanan confirmed, just leaning back in the copilot's seat and grinning out the viewport, "is definitely the place. To be enjoyed from right about here, of course. My ship is good, but she's not 'flying through a nebula' good."

Very few ships were.

"It's really something, isn't it?"

Summer thought maybe to throw in some little joke or attempted witty comment about that, but, really, she was just a little to taken in by the sight to even bother trying. "It really is," she gushed, leaning back, relaxing, grinning faintly. "The pictures on the holo-pedia," that's what she was calling it now, deal with it, "do not do it justice."

"Yeah," Kanan agreed, smiling crookedly. "Not just because they're blue and grainy."

Ah, holos.

"The galaxy is full of stuff like this, though. Maybe someday we'll be able to just go on a grand tour. Sightseeing. Play tourist. Outer Rim tourist, anyway. I don't wander too far toward the Core for pleasure."

At least if he did, he was already expecting trouble, when it was business.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Summer, rolling her eyes, but they were rolled with a wry smirk. A guardedly wry smirk, sure, but still there, mildly teasing, but not really, because, well...all part of why they wound up out here today in the first place, wasn't it?

"You don't wander too far toward the Core at all if you can help it."

"I don't," Kanan agreed, a little wryly, as well. "Not if I can help it. I don't..."

He kind of trailed off for a moment. Blew out a breath. And then straightened up in his seat and looked her way.

"What have I told you and what have you figured out thanks to this damn island, anyway? I'll fill in the gaps, you deserve that much. Answer questions..." He paused. "So long as it stays a secret, it's nothing that's likely to really change your situation while you're here, I wouldn't keep any of that from you. But it does make things more complicated for me."

A shrug.

"A lot of it is the sort of thing I probably should have told you a while back, anyway. Not that I don't trust you with it. It just... never really came up, I guess. It's heavy."

And he was generally bad at sharing until things did.

Yeah, talking about things wasn't exactly a big dynamic in the Smith-Sanchez household, either.

"No point in things being heavy unless they need to be," Summer shrugged a little, "but, yeah, there's definitely a point where perception, deduction, and a natural inclination toward sympathy will only get you so far. I feel like half the things I say these days always manages to get...that look from you."

And her eyes darted over, chin lifted slightly, in expectation of seeing precisely that look on his face right then in response to her mentioning it.

... So help him, Kanan was doing his level best to not wear that look.

It was hard. He maybe winced a little. But otherwise, he was fairly successful. He'd had some time to brace for this talk, after all.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I know." He slanted a glance her way. "You met Caleb."

Probably a bad sign when a guy referred to his childhood self in the third person, right?

"Wait," said Summer, holding up a finger before twisting a little in the seat, reaching down to where she'd tucked her purse. "Hold on."

She rummaged a little until she pulled out a small Tupperware with some rainbow jello cubes in it, popped open the lid, and held it out.

"Okay," she said, "now we can talk. I've met Caleb, yes."

And he was a total nerd and she kind of thought he was great, but that went without saying.

"Never change," Kanan said to Summer, giving a soft laugh as he reached to take one of those jello cubes. Now was a good time for it.

He popped it into his mouth, used the next few moments eating it as an excuse to gather his thoughts.

"Caleb Dume," he said, finally. "Is the name I was born with, before my family, whoever the hell they were, surrendered me to the Jedi. I don't remember them, my parents. No idea what they were like, I was that young. I was raised in those stupid robes," he liked the robes, he knew the robes were a death sentence, the only way to compensate was to pretend they were dumb, clearly, "with a weapon in my hand. I'd fought in a war by fourteen. That teenaged version of me you met was just days out from burying his best friend." He paused, and then added, "We were raised to compartmentalize well."

Summer was quiet as she listened, nibbling on her own jello cube as she kept her eyes on the nebula outside, all the swirling colors and bursts and flares, putting it all into a thoughtful context. None of it surprised her, not really, not considering Kanan, not considering that serious kid and his flatcakes. Fourteen. That was about how old Morty was when Grampa Rick came back. It was definitely how old he was when he buried himself, and he'd compartmentalized that pretty goddamn well, too, not even mentioning it until Summer had her own little freakout and threatened to run away to New Mexico to go do...something with turquoise.

Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV.

Four-fucking-teen.

"I think Caleb and my brother would really get along well," she noted.

This was definitely going to be a text Morty when she got back kind of conversation, wasn't it?

"Then what?" she asked.

Yeah, this was going to be a 'go home and cling to the dog' conversation on this end, too.

"Then we won the war," Kanan replied, and it came out of his mouth sounding far too simple. "The Separatists retreated from the worlds we were fighting on, we spent that night celebrating, and by morning, ten thousand Jedi were dead."

His jaw tensed slightly. His knee bounced. There wasn't enough room in here to stand, let alone pace around anxiously. Maybe that was for the best.

"We were branded traitors and hunted down by the clones we fought alongside. We had gone from being a tool to a liability, the one thing that would stand in the way of the Emperor stepping up to overtake the Republic. We were put down."

Edited 2019-01-15 23:50 (UTC)

Well, yup. That right there did a pretty good job of filling in more than a few blanks for Summer. She was quiet as she listened, watching, and she was quiet when he finished, still watching, until she blinked and looked away out the windshield.

"You did your job, and then you were a risk..."

That hung there for a moment before her brow furrowed in anger. "God," she said, "why are Empires always such complete dicks?"

Then she let out a breath to release her frustration before looking at him again, expression softening. "But you made it."

And, boy, there was a lot in that one little statement, wasn't there? Obviously, there was a thread in there that was grateful, that was glad, but it was so much more complex than that, and she knew it all too well. She saw it in her grampa, driving him to drink, to do the things he did; how many Morties had he buried? How many Summers? How many of his own daughter? And she'd experienced it herself, too. After she found about Dead Morty, after the Wedding Massacre. All those planets left in ruin or destroyed just so that they could escape...

Survivor's Guilt. What a fucking bitch.

Edited 2019-01-16 01:15 (UTC)

"Made it," Kanan confirmed, glancing back her way. "My Master told me to run, so I ran. And I didn't stop until Caleb Dume was dead and Kanan Jarrus was just going through the motions to survive."

She'd seen the motions. Hell, she'd saved his life once, because of that. Dragged his stupid ass out of the gutter after fighting off the tremens. Getting to where he was even now from there had been a fight hard-fought. It was still a work in progress.

"I'm done going through motions," he added, a little more quietly. "I'm not that kid anymore, and I buried a lot of who I was, but I am trying to be that Jedi again. And full disclosure, if and when I need to stop hiding, it's going to be a target on my back, the lightsaber, the Force. The Empire's not done with their hunt. The purge isn't over until the memory of the Jedi dies with us. But when I fight back, it's not about the Jedi, it's not about the dead. It's about the rest of the galaxy, it's about making damn certain there's still a future here for the living."

"And," Summer said, deciding to keep it simple, because, sure, there were a million reasons and a millions ways to look at it, but, down to its core, it really was that simple, "when you fight back, I'm going to be here, too."

Like, literally. She wasn't scoping out real estate on Coruscant for the view, over here.

She offered a slight smile, but it receded a little as she tilted her head thoughtfully at him. "And there's no shame in running away, either, you know," she added, just in case. "If you hadn't, then who would still be here to fight like hell? And you may not be that kid anymore, Kanan, but he's still a part of you. He might have a different name, and, somehow, miraculously, even worse hair, but you wouldn't be here without him."

Kanan actually ducked his head at that, giving a soft exhale. A laugh.

"The hair was one of the first things to change," he assured her. "If it helps at all, I don't intend to wear a braid like that again."

No need to advertise, here. He fell silent for a few moments, and then added, "But you're right. There wouldn't be a me if there hadn't been a him. We wouldn't be having this conversation. You wouldn't be building a small Jello enterprise as a front..."

He laughed softly.

"It means a lot, you know. That you're here. That you're willing to face this with us."

Summer shifted a little in her seat, though she felt she did a pretty good job of turning it into a shrug. "Well, hey," she offered, "it's not like I've got anything better to do, anyway."

Except sticking around home, maybe, as her grampa went on an endless bender through the universe, trying to find some meaning and purpose as he tried to grasp onto the constantly unreachable. Mmmm. No thanks. Especially not when the alternative was helping people you cared about take down a total dirtbag Empire that went around killing people the moment they'd accomplished what you were using them for. So many levels of uncool right there.

"So," she then said, because this all wasn't really about her, anyway, "follow up question: any meaning to the name you wound up with? Or did you just sort of...pick a bunch of letters out of a hat or something?"

She could honestly see it going either way.

There was a few moments' pause after that question, as though Kanan needed a few seconds to attune to it, to wrap his head around it.

To figure out how to answer it. He'd never told anybody where his name came from; not even Hera.

But then, nobody had really asked.

"It's... an homage, I guess," he said, finally. "To the man who first showed me kindness after the purge. Taught me how to survive in this galaxy, how to not be a Jedi. How to lie, how to cheat, how to steal." He rapped his knuckles lightly on the dash in front of them. "Stole this ship from him. It was my cut of that last deal, anyway."

He slanted a glance toward Summer.

"Janus Kasmir. His name. It's not a stretch to get from that to Kanan Jarrus. It's just enough of a stretch that nobody's going to connect those dots. And it sounds nothing like Caleb Dume."

Better stretch than 'Ben Kenobi,' Obi-Wan.

Edited 2019-01-16 14:23 (UTC)

Summer took a moment to think about that, imagining and rearranging things in a little to see how they sort-of fit, and then she nodded.

"I like it," she said. "It works well. And probably still a better method than just picking letters out of a hat."

That was...probably exactly what she'd do if she ever needed a new name.

"Is he still around? This Janus dude?"

"Don't know," Kanan admitted, frowning a little at that. "When I took the ship, I... I really didn't look back. He let me go," not just because Caleb had punched him in the guts enough to wind him, "and that was that. He was the best thing I had going for me at the time, but I figured I was going to get him killed."

Aaand that last part was getting you a side-eye, BDG, because that was such a Kanan thing to say.

"That you were going to get him killed?" she asked. The guy who taught him to lie and cheat and steal, huh? "Because of the Jedi-shaped target on your back? Did he know what you were?"

"Before the island, he was the last person to ever call me Caleb." Kanan grimaced a little. "The one who fired the killing shot against a ship full of clones who had grabbed me. Yeah, he knew exactly what I was."

"Then maybe not a completely unfounded concern," Summer allowed, chewing her lower lip a little. Putting things together still. Trying to think of what else to say, what else to ask, what else she might want to know. Well. She kind of wanted to know everything, but you could make yourself crazy with stuff like that.

"Not completely," Kanan agreed. He fell silent, looking out the window and just contemplating space before him. "Have I told you much about the Force?"

A beat.

"... And suddenly I sound like I'm trying to sell you religion."

Summer laughed a little. "Yeah, good luck with that," she said. "My days as naive High Priestess to a bunch of world-destroying flying heads are thankfully over."

She took a moment to wonder if BDG got to meet that version of her, but, thankfully, she didn't think they'd managed to cross paths.

"But, no," she said, "I don't think you really have. What's the whole deal with the Force?"

She didn't even really know what it was, and yet she still felt it had to be said with a certain sort of inflection all the same.

... That was fair.

"It's, uh..." Really, if he spent any more time grasping for words, people were going to start to wonder if he even knew the language. "Simply put, it's what the Jedi took me in for in the first place. I'm Force sensitive. It means I have a connection with the energy that moves through all things in the galaxy that most people don't."

Another moment and he added, wryly, "I swear I'm not trying to sell this. It just means I can do things like..."

Like hold up his hand, and then levitate the nearest object that wasn't bolted to the floor. So... a Coke bottle. Empty. Because a man needed his caffeine, okay? And there weren't exactly places to recycle these things in space.

"You know, the more you tell me you're not trying to sell me, the more it makes it sound like you are, right?" Summer pointed out, because she kind of had to, though she was tilting her head with more attention on the Coke bottle than anything else. Trying to rewind, thinking of any moments where she might have known he could do that, but not really sure. There was at least once, she could recall a time talking to him with Keara on the brain, but that was probably just after she'd gotten back from that whole ordeal, and the exact context escaped her.

But now, all of a sudden, it was all she could think about. It seemed a pretty safe bet that BDG didn't pick that up from shacking up with a Krootabulon Warrior Priestess, though, and that if she hadn't noticed it by now, it wasn't so much her lack of attention as it was probably an incredible effort on his part to suppress the idea that he'd even had it.

"Telekenisis," she noted, unconscously rubbing at her neck a little, and getting more intrigued. "Is there anything else?"

"One or two things," Kanan agreed. "Increased stamina. Agility. Strength. Reflexes. Aim. Awareness. I can leap clear from one side of my warehouse to the other if I want."

... And he could have left it there.

But...

"Communicating with animals through the Force. Sensing other people, some amount of empathy. Some level of increased persuasiveness. Visions... mostly prophetic, largely useless."

Was he growing gradually more sheepish as he went on? Yes. Yes he was.

Whewboy. That was some list.

"Yeah," she said, "one or two."

A little easier to see why they would have been such an asset to serve a purpose now...and such a threat once that purpose was met.

"I think I might need to see that leaping one before I believe it, though."

The thought of BDG leaping across his warehouse was ridiculous, and she figured she could use a good bout of laughing so hard she nearly peed herself after all this, anyway.

Edited 2019-01-17 01:19 (UTC)

And he didn't have half the talent some of the Masters had!

... Because he was a half-trained student. Details.

"That can be arranged," Kanan replied, smiling crookedly. Because... hooboy. "Hell, you can come watch me train, sometime. I'm not likely to bust out much of that around this place," he gestured toward the window, indicating the galaxy at large. "... But if I do, better to not surprise you with it."

"I'd like that," Summer decided with a nod. "I'd like to see some of it in action, maybe understand it a little more, even though, after that list, I'm going to try not to let anything that comes out of you surprise me now."

She liked to think that not too much out of him did surprise her anymore, but she also knew that sort of thing was always being proven wrong.

"I'll try not to let there be too many more surprises," Kanan answered, smiling faintly. Thankful that she was taking this so well. "I know all of this is... kind of a lot."

He slanted a glance toward her.

"Some of that, I've never told anybody before. Weird to have it just... out there, now."

And Summer slanted a glance right back at him.

Did he know her? Come on. Finding out your best friend had all these crazy pretty-much-superpowers that landed him being a child soldier that ran away from a virtual genocide of betrayal and all but forced him to completely change his indentity and hide who he was was a walk in the park.

....okay, so it really wasn't, but she could sure as hell handle it like it was.

And the warm little surge of pride that went with being trusted with stuff he'd never even told anyone before went a long way with helping that, too.

"It feels good, though, right?" she asked. "That's a lot to just carry all by yourself, Kanan."

"Feels good," Kanan replied, smiling wryly. "Feels weird, but feels good."

He breathed out a huff of a laugh.

"And now if some eight-foot amphibious green guy comes up to me calling me either 'Caleb' or 'kid' and tries to throttle me for flying off with his ship, you even know he's probably got a half-decent case for it."

Well, so much for the trying not to be surprised thing.

That barely even lasted a second.

"The guy you named yourself after is an eight-foot amphibious green guy?"

It wasn't an important detail, Summer knew that, but it seemed like kind of an important detail, okay?

"Well, sure," Kanan replied, smiling crookedly. "He's a Kalleran. They're kind of all eight-foot tall amphibious green guys."

Welcome to the galaxy, Summer.

It's not that there was anything wrong with eight-foot tall amphibious green guys! It wasn't like she'd never seen any before! It was just...not at all what she expected.

She was maybe expecting someone who could provide a decent excuse for inspiring that beard as well.

"Clearly," she said, "I could stand to spend a little more time in the Ks of the holo-pedia."

Kalleran. Like she was supposed to just know that!

Well, actually, Kasmir had more than enough chin to do the trick there, too.

"Can't hurt," Kanan chuckled. "At least these days most humans who hang around the core worlds can't tell a Twi'lek from a Togruta. You'll already have a leg up on some of them."

Outside the Archeon Nebula; the GFFW, Tuesday [01/15].

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